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Question
Posted by: Margie | 2011-01-11

What the .....

How can a woman who has been verbally abused by her lover and been told by him that he hates her still have feelings for him?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Well, having FEELINGS for him wouldn't be at all hard. having PLEASANT feelings would be difficult. But people, especially women, in abusive relationships, tend to stubbornly remember the affection they had for the person they thought their partner was, and often have a delusory belief that he can or will change. Also, they are often taught by their abuser to blame themselves for his bad behaviour

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5
Our users say:
Posted by: lovelife | 2011-01-13

Your answer.....simple she does not love herself.

Reply to lovelife
Posted by: Margie | 2011-01-13

We are no longer together, we split up when he told me that he hates me and wants nothing to do with me, but I cannot stop thinking about him ... i still get calls on my cellphone where there is just silence on the other end ....

Reply to Margie
Posted by: Natalie | 2011-01-13

I think that when men start to change after a few years of dating them, whether it is becoming abusive and a cheat... he still give off a glimse of what he use to be like and that gives their partners hope, they feel that he must be stressed or something. Funny thing is why is the man holding on??if he really wanted to leave then he would, he is not making it easy.

Reply to Natalie
Posted by: Candy | 2011-01-12

Margie I recently ended an 8 year relationship mainly because of the verbal abuse and yes I still luv him but for the sake of my sanity I had to end it. Doc is right, we think he is going to change and that is why we hang on but we are in the end just fooling ourselves. It has been 2 weeks since I left him and I know I have to get on with my life but it is just so hard.

I would have done anything and everything for this man. I treated him like a King and yet all I got in return was this abuse. When it happened I would switch off and remind myself of the good times we shared and this would kind of block out the moment. It helped but eventually I could not take the strain anymore.

I guess I will always have feelings for him although he does not deserve it.

Reply to Candy
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-01-11

Well, having FEELINGS for him wouldn't be at all hard. having PLEASANT feelings would be difficult. But people, especially women, in abusive relationships, tend to stubbornly remember the affection they had for the person they thought their partner was, and often have a delusory belief that he can or will change. Also, they are often taught by their abuser to blame themselves for his bad behaviour

Reply to cybershrink

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