advertisement
Question
Posted by: paul | 2011-04-23

What should i freaking do

I have been trying to be suppportive to my gf but it is begining to drain me a little bit, the problem I have had so far with her is that she does things i don''t agree with, and she ends up in a lot trouble with her family and creates a lot of tension as they turn to believe i am poluting her. for example - she bought a beautiful house and staying with her sister, a brother then moved in as well. he is not respecting her as he believes she is young to own a home, she has always had issues with people not taking her seriously, she if big on respect which in her terms it means do everything i say do at all times. the problem is that generally people default from time to time and she loses it.

At the moment she wants to kick her brother out, now again her being slightly young(24), her mother and sister called shouting her and insulting her, telling her that the brother is not going anywhere and he will stay by force. I don''t agree with kicking him out, but then again i can''t suggest sht cause it is a family matter.

this is one incident that we are currently dealing with, there is a lot i cant say but the problem i am having is that it has started to affect me a great deal because, she has switched into this suicidal mode, always thinking of killing herself, I have trying to encourage her and support her but the problem is that it is her family causing her grief, i felt she should tell her mother how much it hurts her when she calls shout her and hang up on her. But she has gone past reconciling, she has chosen to ignore her family and now she talking about moving out of her house or selling it. what drains me is that she has switched into this victim mode and .....i have my weakness as well. I can''t stand it when people feel sorry for themselves for too long....it freakes me out. I am hanging by the thread, there are two things she is holding on, is me and her job, I am afraid if anything happens with her work, she will loose it.

At the same time, i am trying to keep a good balance between supporting her and alienating her from her family truth be told...i am also not doing too well. I hate being helpless.I have recommended church pastors as she is very religious but she is no longer interested in such, is like she gave up hope. And there is nothing i can do to help.

Addition to the pressure is that she the only succeful person at home, she is expected to financially helpout and she feels they are not grateful enough.

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

She apparently has major problems with the rest of her family, and sounds also immature and demanding, self-pitying and over-controlling of others. That she needs to sort out on her own and with her family, and in the meantime, she really doesn't sound fit to form any even semi-serious relationship with anyone else, such as yourself.
As you are not a trained therapist ( and indeed, even if you were !) this is not something you can or should be trying to sort out for her. She has to want it sorted out, and then to do so with expert help she selects herself and works sincerely with.
You have placed yourtself in a no-win situiation, and should look for a graceful and safe way to gradually withdraw, without allowing yourself to get drawn into the family squabbles.
As it happens, I agree with Maria that if this is HER house, its entirely up to her whether she evicts her brother, for any reason she fancies, and she has no duty to support her family, especially if they are ungrateful and shout at her. It sounds as though you have been taking sides in the squabbles.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

4
Our users say:
Posted by: Paul | 2011-04-26

I suppose I have been taking sides, NOT OPENLY THOUGH. I know it is not my place to make judgement on how to handle family situattions. Maria - this thing about being intimidated by succesful woman is blown out of proportion, dear I will have know that I have my own money, properties, work and own my own business. Not that it matters.

Reply to Paul
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-04-24

She apparently has major problems with the rest of her family, and sounds also immature and demanding, self-pitying and over-controlling of others. That she needs to sort out on her own and with her family, and in the meantime, she really doesn't sound fit to form any even semi-serious relationship with anyone else, such as yourself.
As you are not a trained therapist ( and indeed, even if you were !) this is not something you can or should be trying to sort out for her. She has to want it sorted out, and then to do so with expert help she selects herself and works sincerely with.
You have placed yourtself in a no-win situiation, and should look for a graceful and safe way to gradually withdraw, without allowing yourself to get drawn into the family squabbles.
As it happens, I agree with Maria that if this is HER house, its entirely up to her whether she evicts her brother, for any reason she fancies, and she has no duty to support her family, especially if they are ungrateful and shout at her. It sounds as though you have been taking sides in the squabbles.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Truth | 2011-04-23

The reason we date is to find out if your partner is compatible and makes you happy. If we did not date we may as well marry after the first date.

She does not make you happy, dump her and try with someone else.

Reply to Truth
Posted by: Maria | 2011-04-23

Please explain to me why you won''t support her in kicking her brother out of HER HOUSE? Why should she support family members financially, and then they disrespect and abuse her? It sounds as if your girlfriend''s family is jealous of how successful she is at such a young age. And are you perhaps a bit intimidated by her success as well? Encourage her to go for counselling so that she can sort out in her own mind what her priorities and goals are and how she is going to achieve them, with or without her family.

Reply to Maria

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement