Our expert says:
For clarity, you don't want to marry him, but you do want to live with him for 10 years and have 2 kids with him ? He was a heavy drinker and aggressive and abusive when drunk ( maybe that was WHY he had a divorce and "lost a child" ? ), and you wanted to get out of the house of an aggressive / combative dad ?
He is untrusting, and though it might be better for yo and the kids if he were gone, you feel sorry for him ?
Apparently nobody likes him, even you, if you're frank about it. And that seems to be HIS fault, because he works hard at being unlikeable and self-centred.
Is being with him REALLY better than being alone ? If so, given all the negative aspects to him, what that is genuinely good do you get from him ?
You ask what to do, bu seem to firmly rule out the obvious thing to do.
Caro makes excellent sense. Try to find a personal counsellor who can help you learn to like and trust yourself more and like and trust him less, and work out what is genuinely best for you and the children.
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