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Question
Posted by: Cindy | 2010/07/16

what should i do

I have a problem dealing with anger. i am disappoited by a failed relationship. i was engaged to my baby''s father, we''ve been together for 4-5 years. I found out he was cheating, i found him with a woman sometime back, he asked for forgiveness and i took him back, only for him to continue his affairs while i thought we were starting afresh, working on our relationship. As it turned out, the woman i knew was not the only one, there were 2 more. I recently fuond this out and the pain is more than before. I packed his things and told him i''m done with the relationship, he should go. The relationship has been a rollercoaster after i had found him with the other woman. this man would come home after 12 midnight, saying he had meetings, would not sleep home saying he is working, switching off his phones, or just not answering, it felt like i was being phsycologically abused. i dont want him back in my life, but it still hurts, the pain is still too much. Some days are better than others. I said i wouldnt stop him from seeing our baby, but he should call and make an appointment, and I would bring the baby, but i do not want him at my house, he says he has every right to come to my house to see the baby. can he do this? he does not take care of the baby in anyway, i feel he is using the baby as a way for him being close to us, i am afraid he would come take my baby and disappear just to punish me, he is from a different country. he got angry the other week when i said i was gonna travel to a diferent province to visit a friend, he said that would be a mistake that i should not make. i was advised to get a protection order...would this help? what other options do i have? I spoke to his family about our problems, but they are not of help...blood is thicker than water...i gues

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If this is your home, you have every right to tell him to leave and to exclude him from it. Having cheated and lied about it more than once, the chances of him becoming faithful and honest are rather slim.
I agree with CPM, you should speak to a lawyer, perhaps at the maintenance court, and have a court decide objectively and for the benefit of the child, both that he should have to pay maintenance for the child, and what access to the child he should have. Be very cautious indeed as you say he is from a different country, and raise this concern with your lawyer and with the court - he needs to be reminded that kidnap is a serious criminal offense ( and is criminal even if it is your own child, if it is not done properly. Once the matter is before the court, this would become more formal and you and the child would have more protection.

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: CP MOM | 2010/07/16

If he wants to see his baby he needs to go to the maintenance court and get visitation rights or a lawyer. You should also go to the maintenance court and get maintenance from him for this child.

If he has no order you can call the police and say he is trespassing.

Reply to CP MOM
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/07/16

If this is your home, you have every right to tell him to leave and to exclude him from it. Having cheated and lied about it more than once, the chances of him becoming faithful and honest are rather slim.
I agree with CPM, you should speak to a lawyer, perhaps at the maintenance court, and have a court decide objectively and for the benefit of the child, both that he should have to pay maintenance for the child, and what access to the child he should have. Be very cautious indeed as you say he is from a different country, and raise this concern with your lawyer and with the court - he needs to be reminded that kidnap is a serious criminal offense ( and is criminal even if it is your own child, if it is not done properly. Once the matter is before the court, this would become more formal and you and the child would have more protection.

Reply to cybershrink

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