Posted by: michelle k | 2009-01-28

what should i do?

i broke up with my bf of 5 years,11 months ago.the reason was that he cheated and was doing it again.i walked out and have no regrets.the problem is,i still love him deeply n 4 some unknown reason believe he' s the one.apart from cheating on me,we had a good relationship and connected very well. he honestly is good person and understood and accepted me warts and all.i miss him alot and feel like going back.we stopped talking for 3 months after the break up(his choice)then he decided to ask for my the time i had objections as i thought i was over him n da relationship but then after about 2 months of friendship he just suddenly stopd talking to me.i realisd this wen i called him for me to collect a dress he had bought while dating dat i returned wen we broke up.this was agreed upon after much convincing on his part but wen i called he dropped the phone in my ear and didn' t answer my next attempt.i was confused and stil am.shud i cal him 2 ask y he did dat as i feel i need closure?pls advice me

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Our expert says:
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What exactly is it, and indeed, WHO is it you love ? If not the cheater he is, then is your love perhaps devoted to an unreaistic ideal guy you persuaded yourself that he was or coul;d become ? He is not "the one" --- nobody is, and when we insist on believing in "the one", or a "soulmate", we are imagining someone so perfect no normal person could ever match that fantasy. A "good person" does not cheat. Insisting that he was both a cheater and a good person, is like saying Hannibal Lector is OK, because he was very kind to his hitty, and fed her scraps of whoever he was eating at the time. Your continuing contacts with this guy are unlikely to bring you any joy or closure, rather than further opportunities for unrealistic expectations.
He has repeatedly proved that he has no respect for you, let alone love. Show some respect for yourself, and ignore him henceforth.

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Our users say:
Posted by: WTF | 2009-01-28

What is there to talk about? He clearly does not want you, never respected you and does not want to talk to you! Why oh why do subject yourself to this rubbish? Let me spell this out - YOU DON' T HAVE A CHOICE OR A DECISION TO MAKE - he made it for you! Now, get some backbone and leave the SOB where ever the hell he is!

Reply to WTF
Posted by: Zexeon | 2009-01-28

I second that as he don' t respect or love you enough. He might do it again, so no way I' ll go back if I were you.

Reply to Zexeon
Posted by: Realist | 2009-01-28

What is going on with you girls ? I read about ithe same thing all the time .There you have a slug of a so called man who cheats on you, ie disrespects, you, puts you in mortal danger from AIDS, crushes you emotionally, is morally dishonest, all of which you acknowledge, and then you say you still " LOVE"  him and " DEEPLY"  to boot. Huh??? Consider the meaning of the word LOVE and on reflection reconsider what you said.You cannot possibly LOVE this creature. Get rid of him once and for all. Get out there and meet a proper man who will respect you and treat you as you deserve to be treated. Don' t waste your precious life on a scumbag.

Reply to Realist

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