advertisement
Question
Posted by: Mr Puzzled | 2011/11/16

What now ?

Happily married, long time, kids out the house. Love Mommy to bits and have always tried to make her life as easy as possible. Cook, wash, clean, change and wash nappies, fix things around the house and generally a make it happen person. Yes, I have the normal failings, sometimes forgetful,drink a bit too mch on occasion, a bit loud sometimes, but generally and OK type of guy. However, I cannot bear being " corrected"  over small issues. " There are crumbs left on the board"  the dishcloth must be hung up here, you never locked one of the three security doors at the back, what " perfumed"  stuff have you put in your stew ? (cinnamon, me trying something a bit different) not asked in an enquiry tone but more of an interrogation tone.
Now these remarks or corrections make me bristle, as if I am an errant schoolboy. Ijust cannot bear to be corrected. Am I at fault here ? Do I have a weakness in my character ? If so, how do I handle this ?? Grrrrrrr, I could eat spiders !!!

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I'm sure she'd find fault with the manner in which you'd eat spiders. There's often something wrong in a marriage where an adult man calls the adult woman he's married to ( and presumabl has sex with ) "Mommy". Its actually infantilizing of himself. It really sounds as though you demean yourself, replacing the kids who have left, and taking a subservient role. So she apparently doesn't show gratitude, but more the manner of a dissatisfied or fussy employer to a maid. I tend to agree with Something that there is some rol-playing going on here, and its not entirely wholesome. Yes,as MJ says, you are in many ways a good guy of the sort many wives would love to have. But couples counselling is surely indicated, to brush up the relationship in a more adult-to-adult direction. And thanks for the hint, I may just try that cinnamon in the stew idea !

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

7
Our users say:
Posted by: Something else 2 think about....... | 2011/11/18

A pre teen boys gang, that explains everything..............

Reply to Something else 2 think about.......
Posted by: Mr Puzzled | 2011/11/18

No, Trompie en sy bende.

Reply to Mr Puzzled
Posted by: Something else 2 think about............. | 2011/11/17

GRRRRl could eat spiders !!! are you a member of Enid Blytons Secret Seven or Famous Five?
l cannot believe an adult would say that.................

Reply to Something else 2 think about.............
Posted by: Mr Puzzled | 2011/11/17

Thank you all for your insightful responses. I regret using the term " Mommy"  is not like it sounds !!(I never refer to her as Mommy)
Maybe being obliging and too willing to jump in a get things done is not appreciated as its something that has always been done. Maybe cutting back a bit will normalise things.

Go ahead with the cinnamon especially in a curry. I am always pleased when someone is unable to identify a flavour as this shows the use of a herb or spice that is different has been used with care, it flavoures but not overwhelms the dish.

One has to " play"  with food in order to achieve something that is not run of the mill, always learning always improving. Who would have thought cracked black pepper would go well with poached pears if some enterprising person did not " play"  with it first. Thanks again, I will take note of what has been said. Daddy !!

Reply to Mr Puzzled
Posted by: MJ | 2011/11/17

Actually i totally disagree - You sound like such a good guy that is not apprciated, you see, the thing is, your wife is used to you doing all these things over the years and no longer appreciated you , that''s what happens with time...you get used to things and no longer see their value, instead of getting upset about it though, just speak to her, the problem is all relationships is that we dont know how to communicate with one another, tell your wife how you feel, and if she still doesn''t get it, see a couple''s coucelor, maybe all you both need is a little guidance in what seems to already be the right direction for you both.
and by the way, my husband calls me Mommy too, its cute and our daughter loves it :)
p.s...cinnamon is awesome in stews, next time, just give her a head''s up so she knows what you are making :)

Reply to MJ
Posted by: Something 2 think about............ | 2011/11/17

You call your wife Mommy.
Get over excited and become loud
Do not clear up after yourself
Play with food
Do not do your chores with responsibility
Get upset when you are diciplined
Threaten to eat spiders when having a tantrum!
Does this sound like a man or a child..............

Perhaps you behave like a child and as the kids have flown the nest your wife treats u as a child. These roles you are playing are not those of mature married adults - councelling to explore your relationshp would surely be of benifit

Reply to Something 2 think about............
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/11/17

I'm sure she'd find fault with the manner in which you'd eat spiders. There's often something wrong in a marriage where an adult man calls the adult woman he's married to ( and presumabl has sex with ) "Mommy". Its actually infantilizing of himself. It really sounds as though you demean yourself, replacing the kids who have left, and taking a subservient role. So she apparently doesn't show gratitude, but more the manner of a dissatisfied or fussy employer to a maid. I tend to agree with Something that there is some rol-playing going on here, and its not entirely wholesome. Yes,as MJ says, you are in many ways a good guy of the sort many wives would love to have. But couples counselling is surely indicated, to brush up the relationship in a more adult-to-adult direction. And thanks for the hint, I may just try that cinnamon in the stew idea !

Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement