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Question
Posted by: ANON | 2011/06/27

What now??

I''ve been married for 24 years to a wife who feels me wanting sex and her not wanting sex, is my problem and not hers. 2 years ago I met up with a woman that went to school with me. She''s been married for 24 years as well. We clicked immediatly and it was as if it was when we last saw each other 25 years ago. Distance was the problem at the time. My wife and her husband found out about us and they went APE!! They do not want us to divorce. We decided to give our marriages another go. I told my wife that if all was fine, maby this would not have happened. She says she won''t feel guilty because she did nothing wrong. So on we must go in a friendship marriage instead of a LOVE marriage. Am I just a convienience husband, because I feel no real love from my wife, but she wants to cling on. HELP!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

ANY difficulties wihin a marriage, about sex or indeed anything else, is the problem of BOTH spouses, affects both, both need to be involved in finding solutions, and both benefit from doing so. Your wife sounds awfully eager to insist that nothing is her fault or even her responsibility, which is unfortunate. "giving marriage another go" is usuualy doomed unless the couple work with a professional marriage counsellor to ensure that proper work is done with a real chance of solving problems. She is not entitled to nsist that you must accept a sexless and apparently loveless marriage simply because that i convenient for her. If she sincerely will join in marriage counselling, with a poper chance of solving problems, and agreees and accepts that he aversion to sex is an essential part of that agenda, maybe things can be done. If she rules that out, there'd be no point in wasting time trying.
If that is the case, then rather proceed with divorce, which would leave you free to form a new relationship with a less selfish person, and would leave her free to seek a relationship with someone prepared to accept it on her strict terms.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Romany | 2011/06/28

To Woman and Laurei - Bravo, well said.

Exactly why I have zero sympathy for these " free"  prostitutes.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: Laurei | 2011/06/27

I know a man who left his wife for a younger woman who was only to eager to please in the bedroom!. He married her etc. etc.. However nowadays, he complains endlessly, the lovely wifeis immature, creates problems for him, etc. etc. etc. He now has another fling on the side... When will you women learn? And to Anon, careful of throwing out the baby with the bathwater, the grass is only greener when there is more shit to go around.

Reply to Laurei
Posted by: Woman | 2011/06/27

Ag please ''The other woman" , you keep telling yourself nonsense to make yourself feel better. I''ll just remind you that the wheel turns, and one day you will have to swallow your own flippancy. I love that you try to make excuses. Your excuses that are not good enough. The truth is that nobody who knows what you do will ever trust you. And in the end, when he''s finished fcucking you, he goes home to his wife and children. And you stay alone, waiting for the next stolen moment. And you will always be alone, always, because you know that if he leaves his wife for you, next time, you will be the one being left. That is just plain pathetic.

At least prostitutes earn some cash, you''re just a village bicycle.

Reply to Woman
Posted by: To : The Other Woman | 2011/06/27

That is if you are a " woman"  I suspect you are a " man"  posing as a " woman"  for the purpose of the absolute rubbish you are posting.
We do not know the whole story here. So, we cannot start giving advice such as " teaching her a lesson"  and " go out there and get Aids..I mean and be happy" 
This man needs to leave his wife in the proper manner and without making a total ars3hole of himself in the eyes of his family, colleauges, children and who ever else still has a bit of respect for him.
THEN he moves on...... and sees if after another 24 years he finds a woman in " LUST"  with him because yes, Love and Lust are 2 different things....

Reply to To : The Other Woman
Posted by: The Other Woman | 2011/06/27

Go out there and be happy! Women like your wife don''t deserve a good husband and therefore should be taught a lesson!!!

Reply to The Other Woman
Posted by: Romany | 2011/06/27

Oh...and to Anon..." needs"  is a two-way street. Let''s not judge as we do not know if he neets her needs...whatever it is.
Maybe he is actually " facing the consequences"  of not meeting her needs? Who knows?

Reply to Romany
Posted by: Romany | 2011/06/27

Divorce is a two way street, if you want a divorce, have a divorce.
Once she is free, she too will find someone to love her for who she is.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: Anon | 2011/06/27

Rather leave her, because if she is not prepared to meet your needs, you are just going to end up cheating again which is wrong. If she is not willing to meet your needs, then she must face the consequences.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/06/27

ANY difficulties wihin a marriage, about sex or indeed anything else, is the problem of BOTH spouses, affects both, both need to be involved in finding solutions, and both benefit from doing so. Your wife sounds awfully eager to insist that nothing is her fault or even her responsibility, which is unfortunate. "giving marriage another go" is usuualy doomed unless the couple work with a professional marriage counsellor to ensure that proper work is done with a real chance of solving problems. She is not entitled to nsist that you must accept a sexless and apparently loveless marriage simply because that i convenient for her. If she sincerely will join in marriage counselling, with a poper chance of solving problems, and agreees and accepts that he aversion to sex is an essential part of that agenda, maybe things can be done. If she rules that out, there'd be no point in wasting time trying.
If that is the case, then rather proceed with divorce, which would leave you free to form a new relationship with a less selfish person, and would leave her free to seek a relationship with someone prepared to accept it on her strict terms.

Reply to cybershrink

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