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Question
Posted by: Shelby | 2011/03/15

What now

Saw smse that my husband was doing inappropriate things. When I confronted him, he obviously denied it. He was very furious that I went into his phone and snooped around. Now I am the guilty part. He will never trust me again, because I betrayed his trust by going through his things. If I talk about it, it always ends up in a fight. We have two children that is almost finish with school. Must I just keep quiet and live with the circumstances until kids are out of house or must I go the obvious way of a divorce. I''ve told him numerous times that what he is doing is killing our family, but according to him it has been going on quite a while and I knew nothing about it and it didn''t bother. Now I know, it''s a huge problem. How can I make him see that he is wrong by doing this?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

As I say so often, one of the penalties of snooping is that it makes it so easy for the other guy to make the whole fuiss about you snoopping, rather than the more important issue of what you found. Now a big fuss about how he can't trust you, ignoring whether you vould trust him again. Which is the greater and more important offense ?
And what a peculiar argument for him to use, that when you didn't know he was cheating, it didn't bother you. So ? Does that make cheating OK ?
That he is making such pathetic excuses makes it clear that he knows what he did was wrong ( even the mere fact that he hid it, proves that ). Its not the knowing, but the fact that he isn't man enough to admit he did wrong, or to want to put it right. Marriage counselling could help, but only if he sincerely participated in it. Otherwise, consulting a lawyer on your side might help to wake him up a bit

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: QQ | 2011/03/15

Decide if you want him or not firstly. Ie do you want to carry on living with him?
If no, ask him to leave now and get on with your and your children''s lives. Do not wait. It is a bad example for kids to grow up seeing their mother unhappy and their dad cheating.
If yes, Then rip this SMS thing apart. Phone the numbers, find out who it is, if she is married, get hold of her husband, her boyfriend her boss or whatever. If you are right, then the world MUSY know, do not worry about humiliating him, he is doing a good job himself.
What I am saying here is " break the whole affair open and down" , only then can you...together, build your lives up again.
It sound odd, but it is the only way.
Men only repent once they are proven wrong " without a doubt" . What have you got to loose? Be strong and do it .

Reply to QQ
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/03/15

As I say so often, one of the penalties of snooping is that it makes it so easy for the other guy to make the whole fuiss about you snoopping, rather than the more important issue of what you found. Now a big fuss about how he can't trust you, ignoring whether you vould trust him again. Which is the greater and more important offense ?
And what a peculiar argument for him to use, that when you didn't know he was cheating, it didn't bother you. So ? Does that make cheating OK ?
That he is making such pathetic excuses makes it clear that he knows what he did was wrong ( even the mere fact that he hid it, proves that ). Its not the knowing, but the fact that he isn't man enough to admit he did wrong, or to want to put it right. Marriage counselling could help, but only if he sincerely participated in it. Otherwise, consulting a lawyer on your side might help to wake him up a bit

Reply to cybershrink

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