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Question
Posted by: Desperate | 2011/03/17

What more could life throw at me??

Hi CS

Ok, I''m just desperate. I spent the first 3 weeks of this year in treatment for an eating disorder and I''ve been in recovery for 70 days. I also had an alcohol addiction and have been sober for almost 14 months.

However, I''m stuck in a terrible job where I''m completely being abused. I have been working my behind off and have been going for so many job interviews. I''ve been actively looking for a job since October last year! I''ve turned down 2 dodgy offers and was rejected by an awesome company in Dubai (it was between me &  someone else). This process took over a month. NOW I''m back to square one... STILL in this nightmare of a job having to pretend that everything''s ok!! I mean I have an Honours degree and am perfectly capable!

I''m not coping. I have a boss who is a complete ego-driven monster. My self-esteem is diminishing every day I''m there. I''m still having to cope with recovery. Every day is a battle. I''ve been feeling vulnerable. Now that I don''t have any of these ''coping mechanisms'' I''m so desperate. I''m scared I''m going to crack! I''ve even contemplated suicide and that scares me! I do still see a shrink and I''m on medication but there is this void at the moment and it doesn''t feel like it''s enough!

Please advise.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

OK. Firstly, celebrate each victory as it comes, and enjoy that, and don't try to achieve everything at once. Work on winning each battle, and then the war. Staying sober and dry for so long is a good achievement - congratulations ! Sounds like the rehab is doing well on the eating disorder front, too, now.
Not getting the Dubai job is of course disappointing - but to have been that close to getting it is a major compliment. And if you should need any more treatment for any of your problems, that might be a bit harder to arrange in Dubai than here, so the outcome isn't all bad.
Then - so the boss is an egotistical monster. Well, there's a lot of that about. YOu don't need to give him the power to damage your self-esteem or even to upset you. He must have tiny self-esteem himself, to behave this way - you needn't match him down there.
And you DO have a growing repertoire of GENUINE coping mechanisms. Eating disorders and alcohol are not in the least bit, "coping mechanisms" - they're ways of hiding from yoursrlf the failure to cope.
Discuss all this with your shrink, and maybe add some more general psychotherapy / counselling to the mix.

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/03/19

OK. Firstly, celebrate each victory as it comes, and enjoy that, and don't try to achieve everything at once. Work on winning each battle, and then the war. Staying sober and dry for so long is a good achievement - congratulations ! Sounds like the rehab is doing well on the eating disorder front, too, now.
Not getting the Dubai job is of course disappointing - but to have been that close to getting it is a major compliment. And if you should need any more treatment for any of your problems, that might be a bit harder to arrange in Dubai than here, so the outcome isn't all bad.
Then - so the boss is an egotistical monster. Well, there's a lot of that about. YOu don't need to give him the power to damage your self-esteem or even to upset you. He must have tiny self-esteem himself, to behave this way - you needn't match him down there.
And you DO have a growing repertoire of GENUINE coping mechanisms. Eating disorders and alcohol are not in the least bit, "coping mechanisms" - they're ways of hiding from yoursrlf the failure to cope.
Discuss all this with your shrink, and maybe add some more general psychotherapy / counselling to the mix.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Truth | 2011/03/18

What more could life throw at me???????
Well at least you are not facing an earth quake, tsunami or nuclear melt down
You have a job that pays sick leave and medical aid for your treatment.
Get some perspective - at least u r not facing retrenchment and have a job.
The worse that can happen is you will crack and be booked off on ill heath benefits covered by your provident fund.Talk to HR re this insurance benifit- they often do not mention it. Knowing this is available is a great coping mechanism.

Reply to Truth
Posted by: Janet | 2011/03/17

First of all, congrats on your recovery. That is a great step and you cannot allow an ego driven idiot (who probably has a low self esteem and needs to belittle others in order to feel better about himself) to take that away from you. The perfect job is out there and it''s waiting just for you. I''m also job hunting and it''s a soul crusher when you don''t get picked but hang in there. You know you''re better than what your boss makes you out to be and you must stick to your guns, get moral support from people that have a positive outlook and stay strong. :-)

Reply to Janet

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