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Question
Posted by: Lady | 2011-10-13

What is wrong with me?

Hi Doc. I''m not really sure where to start... I''m a 28 year old female, married, lots of friends, stable corporate job, told I''m beautiful, and I consider myself to be truly blessed with all that I have in my life... however there''s this part of my personality that just bugs the hell out of me. I am so aware of how beautiful and sexy women are that when I see pictures and photo''s of stunning women I feel like crying... and when my hubby and I come across a beautiful woman when we''re out or on tv or in a mag, I feel totally inadequate and get properly sad. I hate that I sometimes take these insecurities out on my husband - I want him to be who he is, without him thinking that I''m watching him. Since we got married 2 years ago I''ve put on a bit of weight and last weekend, after us both having a few drinks, he told me he feels I''ve neglected myself and let myself go a bit. I''m not angry as honesty is wonderful, however I feel so hurt and humiliated and now my feelings of insecurity are amplified ten fold. Sometimes I just want to be alone, run away and do my own thing and not worry about anyone else but myself. I so badly want to be the best I can be, but there''s something in my head, I don''t know what, that says " ah come on, just order that toasted sandwich for lunch, salad sucks!"  I''m not fat just a bit overweight, but just enjoy life and food too much to be obsessive as a wish I was! I''m going away with friends soon and the thought of getting into a bikini around the pool is stressing me out! I dunno... what do you think it is about me that makes me feel so bloody pathetic? Thanks

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds like there's a powerful element of vulnerable self-esteem and self-confidence there. Nomatter how gorgeous anyone else is ( and lets not exaggerate this, there are many attractive people out there, but none as overwhelming as you seem to experience them )
YOu are second to none - and the very best you around.
As Queen wisely says, the emdia do a wicked job of persuading us that we are awfully inadequate compared to some actually highly pedestrian people who they teach us to mover-value.
Your husband's comment was very clumsy and thoughtless, and probably not meant to be as hurtful as it was. Has he remained a magnificent and awe-inspiring stud ? Or has he, perhaps, let himself go just a tadge ?
Its important to let your body be what its meant to be, not a skinny and miserable imitation of some anorexic starlet.
Remember that NONE of the figures you see in the media are actually anywhere near as good-looking as they look - they're made-up and dressed carefully to hide their many inadequacies, and in pictures, air-brushed and photoshopped to unattainable perfection. Heck, even I could look terfific with all that help !
And I know from having treated several such famed characters over the years, that as they age, as all of us do, they often react catastrophically when even Photoshop doesn't anable them to pretend to look as they did 10 years earlier. They have been trained so much to be superficially perfect, they have no confidence in anything real underneath all that.
Seeing a good psychologist for counselling of a CBT format, helping you to develop your self-confidence and self-esteem, could help a great deal to let you appreciate and enjoy being the excellnt first-rate You that you already are

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-10-15

Sounds like there's a powerful element of vulnerable self-esteem and self-confidence there. Nomatter how gorgeous anyone else is ( and lets not exaggerate this, there are many attractive people out there, but none as overwhelming as you seem to experience them )
YOu are second to none - and the very best you around.
As Queen wisely says, the emdia do a wicked job of persuading us that we are awfully inadequate compared to some actually highly pedestrian people who they teach us to mover-value.
Your husband's comment was very clumsy and thoughtless, and probably not meant to be as hurtful as it was. Has he remained a magnificent and awe-inspiring stud ? Or has he, perhaps, let himself go just a tadge ?
Its important to let your body be what its meant to be, not a skinny and miserable imitation of some anorexic starlet.
Remember that NONE of the figures you see in the media are actually anywhere near as good-looking as they look - they're made-up and dressed carefully to hide their many inadequacies, and in pictures, air-brushed and photoshopped to unattainable perfection. Heck, even I could look terfific with all that help !
And I know from having treated several such famed characters over the years, that as they age, as all of us do, they often react catastrophically when even Photoshop doesn't anable them to pretend to look as they did 10 years earlier. They have been trained so much to be superficially perfect, they have no confidence in anything real underneath all that.
Seeing a good psychologist for counselling of a CBT format, helping you to develop your self-confidence and self-esteem, could help a great deal to let you appreciate and enjoy being the excellnt first-rate You that you already are

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Queen | 2011-10-14

I would blame it on the media and their version of beauty. We are conditioned to accept beauty only in specific ways. The people we see on TV and magazines are far beyond our reach when it comes to looking good, yet we keep on trying to be like them. While in fact they look too perfect.

The truth is, as time goes our bodies will change. Its only natural. We have kids and that comes with its own changes to our bodies. Some are lucky to get back to their original bodies but the majority of us doesn''t. That is something we need to accept and live with.

I really envy those people who are comfortable in their own skin. They just seem to be beautiful and happy no matter their size.

Reply to Queen

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