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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2010/09/14

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!!!!!

Let me start by saying, I was married for 18 years and currently div for 18 months. Im 37 years old and married very young. We have 3 kids together. He is not supporting or even making contact with the kids. I must constantly remind him about them and then we end up arguing. I know my ex still loves me. I have been seeing a guy for 9 months now and he too loves me and will do anything for me. The thing is, I know my ex wants me back and I have even been unfaithful to my boyfriend at least once a month with my ex. I don''t know why I am doing this... My ex was also seeing someone who he says is a friend but I know of better. After my ex and I have been together I would feel so used and bitter. I even went so far as to get this girl his seeing''s number and told her what the 2 of us are up to. She sees it as me boast about my sick actions. The thing is, I don''t know if I honestly want him back and in the same time, I also don''t want to hurt my boyfriend''s feelings all the time. Please give me some advise so that I can get my messed up life in order. PLEASE HELP!!!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Remember that the Maintenance Court can require him to pay maintenance for the kids, if he is forgetting his fatherly duties in this respect. It can't make him want to do so, but can make him HAVE to do so. It can't make him want to see them, either, but someone should explain to him that if he claims to be a man, he should not take it out on the children if he feels angry at the divorce.
Going via the court makes it fair and THEY can remiond him, rather than leaving you to have to ask and get into arguments.
Now, having sex once a month with your ex is a real problem. A fodoor should be open or shut, and this way you are giving him mixed messages as to whether it is ultimately over or not.
See a personal counselor to work out what on earth i is you actually want. If you can't get that clear, you will never achieve whatever it is you want

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Liza | 2010/09/14

Make the decision to stop with the destructive behaviour! What you are doing is mainly destructive towards yourself, although there is definite collateral damage - which makes it worse.

When you''ve made the decision - stop seeing the ex, and take him to court so that he can help support his kids. Even if he doesn''t want to see them, he has to at least help financially. On the subject of not wanting to see his kids - it proves that he isn''t worth much, so why would you want to be with him?

You''re going to need to tell your boyfriend about what you''ve been doing with your ex. Before doing that however, I would suggest that you give yourself time to forgive yourself. See a therapist and work on yourself. Then you will be able to give more in the relationship with what seems to be a good guy.

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/09/14

Remember that the Maintenance Court can require him to pay maintenance for the kids, if he is forgetting his fatherly duties in this respect. It can't make him want to do so, but can make him HAVE to do so. It can't make him want to see them, either, but someone should explain to him that if he claims to be a man, he should not take it out on the children if he feels angry at the divorce.
Going via the court makes it fair and THEY can remiond him, rather than leaving you to have to ask and get into arguments.
Now, having sex once a month with your ex is a real problem. A fodoor should be open or shut, and this way you are giving him mixed messages as to whether it is ultimately over or not.
See a personal counselor to work out what on earth i is you actually want. If you can't get that clear, you will never achieve whatever it is you want

Reply to cybershrink

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