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Question
Posted by: Confused | 2008-11-20

What is wrong with me?!

Hi Doc,

I' ve loved two men in my life and at the end married one of them. I met my husband right after my ex broke up with me when he thought I was seeing somebody else beside him (which he realized later on that his suspisions were wrong).

A year and a half later after the break up, he started calling me again and that' s how he came back into my life. We still talk on the phone once in a while like every 3-6 months. We are both now married. I got married first and then he decided to marry right after I told him I was getting married.

The problem here is that I can' t seem to stop thinking about my ex and how my life would have turned out had I ended up with him. Basically I can' t stop loving him no matter how much I try to reason with my head seeing that there are other people involved here. I' ve been in love with him now for 9yrs (I' m now 29).

My head tells me that I might have married my hubby trying to move on with my life but my heart is singing a different tune.

What is wrong with me??

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its always a complete waste of time brooding over "what if's" --- you can't go back and do it differently. The only part of your life you can change is from here on. You seem to be indulging in romantic ideas of how it might have been ( even if reality may have been very different ) and telling yourself you can't stop loving him, when you have probably not really tried. See a personal CBT type counsellor to work on these tasks.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Posh | 2008-11-20

uh dont even start on i cant love anybody else! that is exactly waht is going thru my head. even though realistically i know that he he never calls there will be someone tha ti will meet that i can love again.but maybe i need some time to get over him as i dont even like talking to toher guys if im out, coz i like going out a lot and non of them really interest me and the i go home and cry and wish that he was there but he isnt and i need to accept that sooner or later else im gona go CRAZYYYYYYYYYYYYY.

GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR PROBLEM.i know i need all the luck i can get.

Reply to Posh
Posted by: Confused | 2008-11-20

Thank you Posh, I honestly thought there was something absolutely wrong with me.

The thing is that I have too much respect for my ex and his family to even try to disrupt their happy home and I wouldn' t want to turn my back on my belief...that marriage is a covenant that can only be broken by death.

At times I feel like I can never love anybody else...it' s either him or nobody else.

Reply to Confused
Posted by: posh | 2008-11-20

there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. we make decisions that we think will be best for us at the time and we hope that things work out. unfortunately wehn there are people involved we might need to live with those decisions. im in the same situatuion you were in 10 years ago. my boyfriend broke up with me last month and even though we were going out only for 5 months im deeply inlove with him and i cant seem to let him go.im thinking of starting a relationship with someone else at the momnet but i cant help thinkin gowt if things go so well that we end up getting married and i realise later in life that imarried the wrong guy. not even thinking that far, waht if i start something new with soemone now only to hurt them later when my ex wants me back.its life, there are time when we have to make tough decisions and live with them and it really isnt easy. as long as you havnt done anything with your ex that cld strain you relationship with your hubby, i dont see anything wrong with chatting to each other.

Reply to posh

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