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Question
Posted by: nn | 2011/01/06

what is wrong here???

I have been pretty much single for the past 2 years. I was seeing someone for 7 months but that was it. I am good looking, intelligent  I earn good money and have my own place. I get on well with people, I go out alot and make friends very easily. Problem is that I meet guys and it seems to go well for like a month of two and then it just fades away or they turn around and say they did not want a relationship but rather just someone to mess around with. I just do not understand. I give them their space, I am not insecure or overbearing. I have a good heart and treat them well. But I just cannot seem to find a guy who will stick around. I am 26 and I am starting to get really lonely. I just want someone to spend time with. It has been so long since I have been in love or had someone love me. I know that I do not need a man to make me feel complete but I feel like I have achieved everything else in my life and just want to settle down now. At the moment I am really depressed (even on anti-depressants) and yesterday I was seriously thinking of committing suicide because I am tired of being alone. I just do not know what to do. I go to gym every day, I go out with friends and family. But I just want that one more thing in my life. I have this horrible anxious feeling in my stomach.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If you keep starting off with guys who are not yet mature enough to want to work towards a more permanent relationship, they will move on, and there is nothing wrong with you that leads to that conclusion - that's where they're heading when you arrive.
Try to separate the dislike of feeling alone from the wish for setling into a permanent relationship. Try makin actual friends - men and women whose comapny you enjoy, with no longer-term goal ; try meeting people through doing things, such as in charitable / NGO work rather than the club type scene, so you get to know each other as people rather than as party-goers.
Try falling in LIKE, first, rather than aiming at love from the start. The trouble with dating is that it seems to have only one implied purpose - try what Jason calls "activity partners" - people with whom you share OTHER$ ativities and interests.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Megan | 2011/01/06

I met a guy 3 months ago and all went well until I told him that I had started having feelings for him ... well he went into hiding and told me that he likes being single and that he no longer wants anything to do with me .... just as you are alone and looking for someone to love and be with, there are men out there who don''t want that not even when they don''t have to go looking for love or sex or whatever they want .... geez .... I wish life were less complicated for us women. Hang in there, you will find the special person who will take your breath away!! Good luck ....

Reply to Megan
Posted by: Joe alone | 2011/01/06

Hey Nn,

Seems as that is my life story right there, but i''m a guy. That''s the problem with being in your own place on your own, the loneliness sets in, especially when you actually don''t have things to do and you are your own company - people say that you should be happy with yourself first before you are happy with someone else - personally I think it''s just bulls***

I''m 27 and am also wanting to just stop chasing tail, not that I get any, but tired of going out trying to find a girl, getting a number and trying to set up a date - as most of the time, I never do get that date setup, as something always happens between the girl giving me her phone number and me then calling her, (two whole days later, a lifetime for some).

All I can say is hang in there, something will eventually happen, someone will realise what you are (someone great). I like to believe that I will meet someone soon who will realise that.

Some people are good at relationships and some people are not. I''m the latter.

It will happen, I just don''t know when!

Joe alone





Reply to Joe alone
Posted by: Jason | 2011/01/06

Relax!

Love will come along when you least expect it.

I''m 37 and in the same boat. Have you tried internet dating?

Maybe concentrate on finding activity partners first - that would end the loneliness. And then see what progresses from there?

Reply to Jason
Posted by: PumpKin Head Ed | 2011/01/06

Happy new year! I hope you do find that special person that will fullfill you.

Maybe im just looking at it the wrong way, but does seem like alot of people today find commitment and maintaining meaningful relationships very difficult.

Reply to PumpKin Head Ed
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/01/06

If you keep starting off with guys who are not yet mature enough to want to work towards a more permanent relationship, they will move on, and there is nothing wrong with you that leads to that conclusion - that's where they're heading when you arrive.
Try to separate the dislike of feeling alone from the wish for setling into a permanent relationship. Try makin actual friends - men and women whose comapny you enjoy, with no longer-term goal ; try meeting people through doing things, such as in charitable / NGO work rather than the club type scene, so you get to know each other as people rather than as party-goers.
Try falling in LIKE, first, rather than aiming at love from the start. The trouble with dating is that it seems to have only one implied purpose - try what Jason calls "activity partners" - people with whom you share OTHER$ ativities and interests.

Reply to cybershrink

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