advertisement
Question
Posted by: Pat | 2012/06/13

What is right.

I''m a 16 year old girl and I would like the peoples view on what is acceptable compared to what is right. Three of my friends, same age group have had abortions (murder), one of them for the second time. I don''t think that there is a class in my school that does not have at least 1girl that is not pregnant and this is grade 8, from 8 upwards they have lots in every class. My friends go out on weekends, get drunk, do drugs and have sex. The guys are cool because they associate with gangsters and all the girls want to be their girlfriends. All this is acceptable as a normal way of life.
Me I have no friends and do not fit in because what I do is not acceptable.
1) I''m a virgin
2) I go to church
3) I don''t drink or do drugs
4) I don''t have a boyfriend
But I''m not perfect I have met a 56 year old man, I go to his house, we talk, he listens to me, something my parents don''t have time to do and he has assisted me with money. But he has not asked anything in return. But I suppose this is wrong.

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

I am glad you are not sexually active. What your friends are doing is 1) not right and 2) dangerous. HIV and STIs are not thing we can play with and the more risky you live the bigger the chance to be a victim of it and then it is too late. They will most likely also not complete school or have good enough grades to go to university.

What worries me is your 56 year old friend and that he has not asked anything in return (YET).This may be a totally innocent & good man, but then why do you 'suppose it is wrong'? You wrote this because deep down in your heart you know you play with fire and you know pay-back time will come. A 56 year old with a family does not entertain 16 year old girls because he needs good conversation!! THis may be a grooming process. Otherwise it can be that you are using his generosity...?

Your perception of abortion as murder - well, ja, I can agree... BUT ask yourself, what is better - an unwanted unplanned child who will be abused or sold into prostitution by druggies or termination of a pregnancy? The ideal is firstly to use the 'Disprin method'to prevent pregnancy (Keep one Disprin at all times between your knees!!)thus abstain and spend the energy on your school work to get a good matric and have a chance for a better future. If this does not work, use contraception and make sure you do not get pregnant. Abortion is not a good replacement for contraception.

THus keep away from the sex and drugs and study. Consult a social worker to assist you to build the relationship with your parents. Stick to support people at your church that you can physically see and report if you feel unsafe. Stay away from friendly people on the net or electronic social networks - we have enough trouble. (This is sad as there are genuine people out there, but it is difficult to know which one is genuine and which one another risk!) Get off this website and get in front of your books and make a success of it. We need people like you to get the next generation on the right path!! Deidre - SASHA

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

16
Our users say:
Posted by: Pirali | 2012/07/03

If you have heard nothing but piivtsoe things about the Fargo VA, either you haven''t been listening, haven''t asked more than 2 people, are simply covering up or lying. The Fargo VA is a nightmare for scheduling, seeing a doctor on time for when the appointment was scheduled, and finding the right kind of specialist in Fargo. The amount of red tape to get proper procedures done, or get an official exemption to seek specialized care outside of the VA is a NIGHTMARE.Anecdotal feel good stories like yours, that haven''t seen what is truly happening inside those walls are not doing soldiers any good.Unchecked incompetence is an apt description indeed.

Reply to Pirali
Posted by: Peter | 2012/06/14

I think you only with this man because he fulfills the role your real father is not. We all want and crave affection and most importantly love. He''s intentions towards you might be genuine and he might really care for you as a daughter but something is still not right here. I might sound judgemental but a real man he''s age will tell you that you cannot come to his house without his wife being present. At the end of the day you are still a minor and we''ve read and seen to many times that situations like this one can get out of hand. I know of many men who counsels young girls but always with their wives or a female present. It''s just a way to protect both of you. You seem to be on the right track but just be very careful with this relationship you have or building with this older man. It''s also been proven that fathers who are absent in their daughters life, that girl/woman will always be attracted to older men, whether emotionally or physically looking for that father figure they grew up without. All the best Pat.

Reply to Peter
Posted by: Jonathan | 2012/06/14

I think people are being narrow minded and na''ive on this Page. If you have a good father / daughter relationship with this man - I don''t see the harm in it at all. If it was an Old Woman - people wouldn''t say a damn word about it at all - Women are also capable of evil deeds but because he''s a Man, everyone suddenly jumps to conclusions that he''s a Freak or a pervert or trying to take advantage of you. You yourself know what your relationship is like with him and if it went any further than a friendship - i''m sure you''d be wise enough to see it and distance yourself from him. But everyone else seems to be experts!! People can''t accept that there are good kind elderly men out there anymore. Follow your own Head but just be wary - this 2012 and things do happen!!

Reply to Jonathan
Posted by: Johan | 2012/06/13

It is really sad that your parents give a hoot about you. I am truly sorry

Reply to Johan
Posted by: Pat | 2012/06/13

This is how I met the old man.
I work Friday after school and Saturday in a shop. One Friday I fell down the stairs and hurt myself, the old man, Ben, my boss had me taken to a private hospital. No-one could get hold of my parents and after closing Ben came to see if I was alright. I eventually got hold of my parents as I was to be discharged and they had to pick me up. My parents had left with some friends for the weekend and would only return on Sunday. As I was in pain I could not stay alone at home and Ben took me to his house. His wife was out for the weekend and we were alone. He looked after me until Sunday when my parents sent a neighbor to pick me up. During my stay we talked and I told him that my school was going on a field trip and I had to stay behind as I could not afford it. He offered to lend me money, which he did, and I would pay him back. He then refused to accept payment. He also gave me money to buy a dress for a wedding as I did not have a decent dress. Even if I come home with millions my parents don''t give a hoot, because, as they say I am working, they don''t even know how much I earn. His wife is a fantastic person, the mother I wish I had, but she does go away often as their kids are in another town which leaves the old man alone. I prefer to be alone with him we talk about anything and he makes me laugh.

Reply to Pat
Posted by: Anon | 2012/06/13

how did you meet this old man?

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Guy | 2012/06/13

If i may ask why dont your parents have time for you?

Reply to Guy
Posted by: Anon | 2012/06/13

George, can you read, she did menation that she is a virgin and he did not try anything. Pathetic.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Johan | 2012/06/13

Well said XXX - i could not agree more with what you said. Maybe sometime in the future he will try his luck.

Reply to Johan
Posted by: Johan | 2012/06/13

I agree it is a sick world we live in - people are very judgemental.
If you need a friend - i mean it honestly just a friend - an email buddy - just to chat to i am willing to be that friend. Maybe i can assit you.

Reply to Johan
Posted by: XXX | 2012/06/13

There is nothing wrong with you at all.I would be careful about this relationship with the older man,it is highly probable that he will try his luck at some stage.You are way too young to even consider a relationship with him.
It has nothing to do with how hard his erection is (as previously stated above),it is simply that you are still very young and at his age he has very different values etc on life.You have nothing to gain by having a relationship with him.If he has a wife and she sits in,then that is a different story.
Please try and find friends that you can associate with and have the same values.
Good luck

Reply to XXX
Posted by: Pat | 2012/06/13

I SAID I''M A VIRGIN. This man is my friend, someone I can talk to and someone who listens. NO he has never tried anything, I think I''n a daughter to him. But there you go people are already assuming, thats what is wrong with this world.

Reply to Pat
Posted by: Johan | 2012/06/13

Just a suggestion - maybe you can speak to someone from your church

Reply to Johan
Posted by: Johan | 2012/06/13

Well done and keep it up - what you are doing is the right thing. Dont let anyone influence you. Keep it up. Sorry for your parents not listening to you and for not having time for you. I dont think that it is a very good idea to continue your relationship with the 56 year old man though. But the decision is yours - just be careful.

Reply to Johan
Posted by: George | 2012/06/13

Are you having sex with this 56 year old man, if you are really hope that you are taking precaution against pregnancy and HVI. What is going to happen later in life when this 56 year old man can no longer have an erection and can not satisfiy your needs, you will be at you prime sexually and your nsexual needs with become very strong and you will start to cheat and sleep around. Would suggest that you hang out with someone you own age to avoind this later in life. Also at 56 this mans erection is not as hard as a younger man and he is not as virual and not able to shoot his sperm as hard as before, think about it.

Reply to George
Posted by: sexologist | 2012/06/13

I am glad you are not sexually active. What your friends are doing is 1) not right and 2) dangerous. HIV and STIs are not thing we can play with and the more risky you live the bigger the chance to be a victim of it and then it is too late. They will most likely also not complete school or have good enough grades to go to university.

What worries me is your 56 year old friend and that he has not asked anything in return (YET).This may be a totally innocent & good man, but then why do you 'suppose it is wrong'? You wrote this because deep down in your heart you know you play with fire and you know pay-back time will come. A 56 year old with a family does not entertain 16 year old girls because he needs good conversation!! THis may be a grooming process. Otherwise it can be that you are using his generosity...?

Your perception of abortion as murder - well, ja, I can agree... BUT ask yourself, what is better - an unwanted unplanned child who will be abused or sold into prostitution by druggies or termination of a pregnancy? The ideal is firstly to use the 'Disprin method'to prevent pregnancy (Keep one Disprin at all times between your knees!!)thus abstain and spend the energy on your school work to get a good matric and have a chance for a better future. If this does not work, use contraception and make sure you do not get pregnant. Abortion is not a good replacement for contraception.

THus keep away from the sex and drugs and study. Consult a social worker to assist you to build the relationship with your parents. Stick to support people at your church that you can physically see and report if you feel unsafe. Stay away from friendly people on the net or electronic social networks - we have enough trouble. (This is sad as there are genuine people out there, but it is difficult to know which one is genuine and which one another risk!) Get off this website and get in front of your books and make a success of it. We need people like you to get the next generation on the right path!! Deidre - SASHA

Reply to sexologist

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement