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Question
Posted by: mel | 2010-05-14

what is going on?

hi i am hoping for clarity on the following 2 issues.i am in a fairly good relationship with my boyfriend.he wants kids and i do not.the 1st issue is that he emphasizes having kids more than getting married.he says to me that for him im already his wife and that getting married would just be a formality.funny because we do not even live together.the second issue is that for some odd reason i do not see myself having babies with him but yet i wanted to be mother when i was with my ex-who cheated on me.please help.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Is it that you no longer want to bear children at all - or that you don't want to have children WITH HIM ? If the latter, what is it that makes you feel this way ? Are there unexamined aspects of him or the likely relationship with him, that make you feel uneasy about letting him father children with you ?
It sounds as though he might want to father kids to prove his fertility and manhood, perhaps, more than to take on the long-term responsibilities this ought to entail.
He's in his comfort zone when he sees marriage as "merely a formality" rather than as involving more significant committment to a long-term relaionsip

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Joan | 2010-05-14

Hi there. Please dont allow him to manipulate you. He wants to be a father but he does not want to take the responsibility in creating a good home for his kids with both a mother and a father with a roof over your heads? always follow your head because YOU are the one that has to sacrifice 85% of YOUR life when having kids. I''ve seen many couples even married ones when the kids are made/born the husband (not all) they almost " dont care"  anymore. Some men makes children just to spite women... be very careful!!!

Reply to Joan
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-05-14

Is it that you no longer want to bear children at all - or that you don't want to have children WITH HIM ? If the latter, what is it that makes you feel this way ? Are there unexamined aspects of him or the likely relationship with him, that make you feel uneasy about letting him father children with you ?
It sounds as though he might want to father kids to prove his fertility and manhood, perhaps, more than to take on the long-term responsibilities this ought to entail.
He's in his comfort zone when he sees marriage as "merely a formality" rather than as involving more significant committment to a long-term relaionsip

Reply to cybershrink

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