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Question
Posted by: Gracie | 2009/05/22

WHAT IS GOING ON?

I am an older woman who is attracted to a younger man - the attraction is mutual - there is a definite " chemistry"  between us - what to do? I am old enough to be his (rather young) mother! There is something about him that I cannot resist .... HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I had mislaid by "chemistry" set. I hear your call for "HELP!!!!", but you don't say why you want help, or with what. Actual ages are usually less relevant than people assume, though do project ahead 20 or 30 years. When you are X years old, he will be Y --- would that THEN be a problem ? But generally it's emotional and social maturity that is more important. If you are both free and single, why does there need to be a problem ?
If you or he are married, then this is a problem whatever your ages, and one we have discussed here many times ( see the archives of this forum )

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: C | 2009/05/22

Gracie believe me when I say that I know what you are going through. If it hasnt already happened, be warned that you will start losing interest in your husband. You will start comparing this wonderful younger man to your husband. It is so wrong, but unfortunately it happens. People who hasn' t been in this position before has no idea what it feels like to be on this emotional rollercoaster ride between right and wrong.

Reply to C
Posted by: Gracie | 2009/05/22

It is not my intention to take this any further - it will have to be just a fantasy - I cannot get involved in something that could hurt a lot of innocent people - he has never been married nor has any children - he has his whole life ahead of him and I have already had my children etc., but oh dear he is just sooooooooo attractive and sexy and and and and and ....... I don' t know what to do, I have seen him so many times today and I dread having to go home now - I sound like a love-struck teenager, but I cannot help it, I have feelings which I cannot control - I sound a bit insane don' t I? At least no-one can take my dreams or fantasies away from me! Maybe I am just in lust with him ' cos he really makes me go all weak at the knees when he just looks at me .... if I was a bad girl it would not be a problem, I would not hesitate to do something about it, but I am not a bad girl and my conscience would not allow me to have an affair with him ... so it will have to remain just a fantasy ........ mmmmmm!!

Reply to Gracie
Posted by: Guest | 2009/05/22

Your problem should not be your age. It should be - you are married. His age is irrelevant. If he was 48 would it make it easier (or OK) to cheat?

Reply to Guest
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009/05/22

bad idea, your married, forget it.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: C | 2009/05/22

Unfortunately, you cant switch off the feelings, if it was only that easy. Let me guess, you feel like a teenager again and you dare not talk to anyone you know about your feelings? You are in lust and the feeling will probably not go away especially in your case because you see him every day. You have two choices: get involved but risk losing your husband or be strong, avoid the temptation and hopefully you will get over it. No-one can really give you advise. It is up to you.


Reply to C
Posted by: Gracie | 2009/05/22

I am 46 he is 29, I am married, he is single ........... I cannot stop feeling the way I do - I have tried to ignore him, not go near his office, turn the other way when he is around - I cannot do it! I cannot wait to get to work in the mornings! This is insane - I know, but how do I just " switch off"  these feelings? I am attracted to the man and I cannot help it!

Reply to Gracie
Posted by: Kelly | 2009/05/22

So how old are you guys?

Reply to Kelly
Posted by: C | 2009/05/22

I feel sorry for you. I know the feeling. If you are single, then there is no problem. Go for it and enjoy. If you are married, however, different story: you will have to carefully consider all the pros and cons. Usually not worth losing everything unless you are really very unhappy in your marriage and want a divorce. No-one can help you with this. You will have to make the " right"  decision. It is a terrible thing, especially if you are married.

Reply to C
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009/05/22

And why is age a factor?? As long as he is legal, then I dont see the harm

My dad was 18 years older than my mom, my step grandmother was 34 years younger than my grandpa and my aunt is 22 years older than my uncle.

You a cougar, enjoy it :) (look the term up if you not sure)

Reply to Anonymous

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