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Question
Posted by: Dear | 2010/09/23

What have we done

HELP!! I have to fight waht I am feeling, but I am to weak for love and struggeling. I have fall in love with my boyfriend of 23 years ago. We bumped into each other by accident again last week at my work. We went for drinks last night. Spoke about our lifes. After all these years the old feelings of love came flooding back. We still love each other. We want tobe with each other. We need each other. He is MARRIED!!!! I don''t believe in messing with married men, and he knows that, but last night, I couldn''t fight it anymore, I gave in., we nearly ended up making love. Yes making love, not just having sex, but I didn''t let it go so far. Oh God what have I / we done. I don''t expect him to leave his wife, and I will never ask him to leave her. I don''t want him lose or hurt anybody. I want to but I don''t want to have an afair with with. It was so good being in his arms again, hearing his voice, his words. I broke up with him all those years ago, I was the stupid one. I hurt him, he cried when I broke up with him. I don''t want to hurt him again, but I need to stop what we doing before we go futher. How do I do that when I know we love each other.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Are you truly in love with the guy as he is today ? Or with fond memories and fantasies of how he was 23 years ago ?
He is married. And you know he is prepared to chat on his wife. And you really sound as though you are romanticising and soap-operizing what happened into a dewey-eyed chick flick, rather than looking clearly at the realities. The past is another country - you cannot recapture that. You don't mention whether you are married. But realistically, this is an afair which will surely hurt his wife and family, innicent people, and maybe the same on your side. Some people would say take a cold shower and smell the burnt coffee.
Among the other attractive fantasies, don't fall for the false belief that there is only one person on earthwho could make you happy - fortunately that is never true.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/09/24

Are you truly in love with the guy as he is today ? Or with fond memories and fantasies of how he was 23 years ago ?
He is married. And you know he is prepared to chat on his wife. And you really sound as though you are romanticising and soap-operizing what happened into a dewey-eyed chick flick, rather than looking clearly at the realities. The past is another country - you cannot recapture that. You don't mention whether you are married. But realistically, this is an afair which will surely hurt his wife and family, innicent people, and maybe the same on your side. Some people would say take a cold shower and smell the burnt coffee.
Among the other attractive fantasies, don't fall for the false belief that there is only one person on earthwho could make you happy - fortunately that is never true.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Liza | 2010/09/23

If you don''t stop seeing him, you will eventually end up in bed. Do you want to be the other woman? What you''re doing is stealing him from his wife - but you just don''t want to feel bad about it - you want permission to continue and intensify the affair (because it IS an affair). This is self-destructive behaviour so STOP. Eventually he''ll meet someone else and leave you for a new woman.

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Lego | 2010/09/23

Stay away from a married man!

Reply to Lego
Posted by: ABC | 2010/09/23

It would definately have been sex, (lust) because if it was love, then it would''ve been able to wait.

Why did you guys break up in the first place? There must be a reason why you didn''t get married?

Rather find someone single and available.

Reply to ABC
Posted by: Maria | 2010/09/23

Face facts. After 23 years you don''t really know this guy. You think you are " in love"  with a memory. For all you know he is now an alcoholic, or a wife beater, or the worst kind of husband. Ask yourself, do you really want to be with a guy who is willing to cheat on his wife?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Germ | 2010/09/23

How would you feel if your husband cheated on you he is a married man let it go there is a lot of single men out there that will make you happy are you willing to go thru all that SH*T and fights ,affairs and stuff I would not, it sucks a real man won’ t cheat on his wife in the first place does not matter how much he thinks he loves you, I’ m telling you it is not love it is just something new for him excitement the rush tell me what is love would you give your live for this man that is cheating on his wife if you did not think you where wrong then why are you posting here you know what to do I’ m a real man and if I were married ill never ever cheat on my wife and trust me it is going to get out it’ s a small world

Regards Germ

Reply to Germ

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