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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2011/02/25

What happened?

I had a relationship with a man who had had some BDSM/S& M experience - think he may still be involved. He only communicated via SMS - staying in touch every day with general greetings: " Thinking of you" , " How is your day going?"  " Have a good eve."  Then at about 9pm / 10pm would start " sexting" . This would happen at least every second night, sometimes 4 nights in a row.... It went on for about 6 months during which time I tried to end it 3 times - and eventually did. My reaction was extreme - shaking, crying, losing all sense of who I am/what was happening to me. When I told him what I am going through he tried to make light of it and did not acknowledge my feelings at all. I did not want to be in the situation but could not get myself to cut all ties. That happened two years ago. Recently we got talking again, friendly, but one night the sexting started again. Same reaction from me - as if it were two years ago. I could not bear to go through that again and ended it - by sending him quite a nasty SMS. I am now anguished by this - it could have been left alone and both of us going our own way. I know I should not worry too much - he actually never cared about me. I was an object at the end of a cell phone for his pleasure and at his convenience. It is not in me to be so nasty and I am struggling to overcome my action!

I have know him for a long time and do care about him, but I cannot have anything to do with him. He has changed too much.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

although you may feel uncomfortable with your actions you needed to protect your right against bodily / emotional / psychological harm. that he did not listen to you meant that you had to let your voice be heard - even if it may have come across in a mean way.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anon | 2011/02/25

Thank you! That''s what everyone has been telling me. Needed to hear it from a professional. I did have a very strong feeling of needing to be SEEN and HEARD. Hopefully this has been a learning experience for me.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: topdog | 2011/02/25

think he is married or girlfriend,,,,

Reply to topdog
Posted by: Anon | 2011/02/25

This is probably the reaction (confused/traumatic) when one is in a Betrayal/Trauma Bond. When a person you trusted abuses and betrays you in an exploitative manner. Councelling is probably the way to go if the anguish continues...

Will some men never realise the consequences of their actions....

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Anon | 2011/02/25

Yes. Am not a prude - there is a time and place for cell phone " play" , but this was too much. Felt that the man was keeping me at a distance by not calling or meeting...? Just SMS

Reply to Anon
Posted by: topdog | 2011/02/25

so u were loking for more then cell phone sex?

Reply to topdog
Posted by: sexologist | 2011/02/25

although you may feel uncomfortable with your actions you needed to protect your right against bodily / emotional / psychological harm. that he did not listen to you meant that you had to let your voice be heard - even if it may have come across in a mean way.

Reply to sexologist

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