Posted by: anon | 2009-01-21

what does one do in this case??

I have been so called married to this guy for three years now,firslty hes quite older than me 17 years my senior bt i never saw that as a problem, he has two kids from previous relationship..the problem is..he treats me so bad that i feel worthless and so depressed at all times,he always shouts at me and cal me silly all the times, i never do anything right to him, hes not interested in my life at studying now but everytime am excited about something he always puts water in it, he calls my work juk work..he doesnt like my family nor wats them in our not suppose to say anything or advise him when it comes to his kids..he does whatever he please even if its wrong..i feel so small n he has killed my confidence..he criticises every little thing that i do..we are expecting a baby n he doesnt even care..we argue all the time, we never talk or laugh unless hes gossiping abt his friends..i must praise him all time..i fully support myself...he does nothing for me except a present there n tired and i feel like i have lot myelf in this relationship..he sometimes tell me that he doesnt mind me going i should go n just bring his baby when born n when i leave he lways stops me..i have tried counselling he doesnt want at all coz he says there is nothing wrong with him..please tell me what to drained and i dont think i can take this anymore...he pretends as if we are so perfect in front of people bt one they leave it doesnt even take him a minute to shout and accuse me of being a no good...n silly..he even swears at me sometimes..he has never beaten me, but i feel like this is too much already..hes nothing to me, we share absolutely now except for the baby am can this be fix? n i feel i can be beter of alone


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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

m I misremembering, or did we earlier today get a message from a young women considering entering a relationship with a man 17 years older and with 2 children ? Maybe you should read each other's messages.
I don't think the age difference is as important as the prychologically abusive behaviour you describe, which is wrong at any age. IF he behaves the way yopu describe --- why are you in any sort of relationship with such a nasty man, let alone having a child with him ? Marriage counselling is obviously needed, but I doubt he would agree. If you're able to support yourself, wouldn't you and the baby be better off without him ?
Discuss the situation with an organization like POWA, as this is abusive, and he certainly shouldn't be allowed to stop you leaving if you wanted to do so.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Caring Dad | 2009-01-22

Unfortunately the age gap and kids can be a problem, for sure. Although he has not beaten you physicalloy the mental abuse can be as bad or worse. It would seem that he has a very low opinion of himself as a man, as its a very cowardly and gutless thing to behave like this towards a woman. I know that it seems hopeless to you at this stage, but my advice would be to go to a good divorce lawyer, and get the papers drawn up and served. Get all you can from him, financially that is as this is only fair. Be realistic, this creep will NEVER change towards you and who might he be that he puts you through this horrible mental cruelty? Look at the alternative. You have one precious life, why waste it on a useless person like that. Are you prepared to throw your life and that of your baby away ? Please my girl, make yoiur plans and get going. There are plenty of loving caring guys out there, waiting for you.

Reply to Caring Dad
Posted by: anon | 2009-01-21

thank you

am 25 and my husband just turned also 37 weeks pregnant and it been so dificult as i have gone through all these emotions alone.i saw the post ur are refering too..he has two sons from a previous relationship..tell me how can i get hold of powa in cape town.i seriously need to speak to someone..

Reply to anon
Posted by: Nicky | 2009-01-21

How old are you and your hubby?

Reply to Nicky

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