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Question
Posted by: Ebby | 2012/08/06

What do you think?

Someone told me that pursuing a man or woman who is in a relationship is " fair play"  since the person is not married and therefore regarded as single until someone marries them. It made sense to me that if people are not married then it means they are not yet fully committed to one another, therefore the line is only drawn after marriage has taken place. what is your take on it?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

The comment you quote is surely a self-serving excuse invented by someone who wanted to prey on people in relationships with a clear conscience. What section of the Constitution says that people in a committed relatonship are "regarded as single " ? If so, then what does "committment" mean ? Must people who like each other immediately get married to protect their relationship rights ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Hans the General | 2012/08/10

NO, its NOT OK to let someone in a relationship know that you''re interested in case that relationship doesnt work out! NOT OK!...thats actively pursuing it right there and its wrong!...

its a common saying that " the grass always looks greener on the other side (...of the fence." )...now if the grazer was happy grazing on their own grass, they wouldnt be looking over the fence in the first place and seeing the supposedly, greener grass...then its up to them to either stay on this side or jump the fence...now, the greener grass wouldnt have made itself look greener just to attract the grazer because then the greener grass isnt all that better anyway, the greener grass should be green whether the grazer was looking or not coz hey, if the grazer jumps the fence and finds the grass just as dried-out as the previous patch, then it wont take much effort or time for the grazer to simply jump another fence...how about the grass just tries to be greener on its own without any grazers watching coz that way, there wont be any confusion when a grazer jumps the fence and the " greener-grass act"  fades...im a man and i''ve been that fence-jumping grazer before, so let me tell you this, the grazer wouldnt be looking over the fence for greener grass if he was happy with the current grass...give him enough time and he''ll jump over the fence on his own...dont dry yourself out and lower your own quality trying to make him jump!

i hope you picked up what i laid down!...after a break-up, a person seeks out the company of supportive, genuine friends rather than someone who''s been making passes at them since before their relationship was crashing...be a real friend, not just a potential weekend of rebound fun.

Reply to Hans the General
Posted by: Maria | 2012/08/06

Man Talk or Heart to Heart might be more appropriate forums for this question.

I think it''s ok to let someone in a relationship know that you''re interested in case the relationship doesn''t work out. Active pursuing is a different story and in general I feel that''s wrong. But even if someone in a relationship is being pursued, it''s up to him or her to decide how to respond to it. It has never made sense to me to blame a 3rd party for breaking up your relationship, after all your partner chose to go with that person and could have chosen to stay instead.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/08/06

The comment you quote is surely a self-serving excuse invented by someone who wanted to prey on people in relationships with a clear conscience. What section of the Constitution says that people in a committed relatonship are "regarded as single " ? If so, then what does "committment" mean ? Must people who like each other immediately get married to protect their relationship rights ?

Reply to cybershrink

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