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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2012/05/30

What do you think

Hi CS
I would like to know what you would describe as harassment. There is this one guy whom is newly employed been with our company for less than a year (we both are from different racial groups) I’ m the only female person (not from his race group but from mine) he tries to communicate with. (All the other girls in our office are just as friendly like me, so I’ m really not getting this) He will only come and talk to me when I’ m alone or when there is know one with me. He constantly looks at me (in a very different way) This is how we met (this was at work and it was the usual hi, how you, were you from, are you in a relationship conversation, whiles I was sitting at me desk with him approaching me) when he talks to me he always asks about my relationship. This evening he came up to me and said he wants to grief, I didn’ t say much so.... He said: when I met you for the first time you mentioned you where married, I’ ve only found out that you are engage and not married. (In fact it’ s not true, everybody knows I’ m engaged) I responded that yes im engage like I’ ve told you. He said: well I guess it’ s your word against mine. I said: I’ m really not ashamed of my relationship. He then responded by saying well if I (referring to me) was to lie it means there’ s cracks in the foundation. (I’ m assuming his referring to my personal life) Why would he out of the blue just walk up to me to say this? I feel he is trying to make conversation. I never ever like in never talk to him out of my own. This feels weird and I feel intimidated, I’ m a very friendly type of person and I was very friendly to him when we met, but I’ m like that to all people in general. Am I over reacting, should I maybe send him an email explaining that I’ m not interested or should I tell my manager. It might not be sounding serious but what if it becomes serious. This is too weird, I don’ t want to feel scared and I also don’ t want to make him mad. (I don’ t know him and its so strange that I don’ t even know his name) He doesn’ t talk to me often but when he does, I’ m alone and he will ask about my personal life. I just don’ t like it. What would you say about this and what do you think would be the best way to sort this out.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Whatever else is happening, he sounds like a naive and socially awkward guy, and clumsy. Have you tried, for a start, simply telling him calmly, that the way he approaches you and talks with you, makes you feel uneasy, and you'd prefer it if he would stop doing this. That you just don't want to talk about your personal life with anyone at work, including him. Would he like it if anyone kept asking him intimate questions about his personal life ?
And maybe have an initial chat with HR about this - they ought to be able to advise and help.

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Phil | 2012/05/31

No need to speak to your boss yet. And also don''t send him a mail  you might open a door.
I suggest you treat him with a colder shoulder. Next time he walks up to you where you are alone  get up and leave. Next time he tries to talk personal stuff  be very diplomatic and tell him. My personal life is just that  personal. or even. You know what, my fiance won''t appreciate your prying into our personal lifes. He should get the message very fast. Next step  is to tell your manager.

Reply to Phil
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/05/31

Whatever else is happening, he sounds like a naive and socially awkward guy, and clumsy. Have you tried, for a start, simply telling him calmly, that the way he approaches you and talks with you, makes you feel uneasy, and you'd prefer it if he would stop doing this. That you just don't want to talk about your personal life with anyone at work, including him. Would he like it if anyone kept asking him intimate questions about his personal life ?
And maybe have an initial chat with HR about this - they ought to be able to advise and help.

Reply to cybershrink

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