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Question
Posted by: Matty | 2011-02-17

what do men want, why did he cheat???

i just found out that my boyfriend of 5 yrs cheated on me. i went home for martenity leave, leaving him with the keys to my house.

i recently had a problem with my phone, so he borrowed me his phone, i saw messages from this woman.asked him about it he denied it saying his younger brother was using the phone at that time, so i took down the numbers. i later went through his office phone bill, the same numbers appeared again.

i accessed him cellphone account on the net, and the number appeared again, this number appears from the November''statement. he''s been seeing this person for that long.

after all of this, he still denies everything.im just too hurt right now, there is a child involved, there''s just a lot to think about. but i just cant stand this.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

There is no such thing as 'what men want", any more than there is "what women want". But THIS man you are describing, seems to have behaved badly. Cheating is bad, and presumably it was his child that led to your maternity leave ?
The meaning of the phone numbers is not really clear, but suspicious.
If you really want to repair this relationship ( and you've spent 6 years on it so far ) see a relationship / couples counsellor together. If not, don't leave without ensuring that you get the Maintenance Court to decide how much maintenance he should pay for the child, and to enforce the court order.
Women also cheat, and both men and women lie, and try to deny that they have lied.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Seeing it | 2011-02-20

Honest Man is one of those shits that Wise Owl referred to, no eithics no morals, shallow and a real bastard.

Reply to Seeing it
Posted by: Honest Man | 2011-02-17

Zet
But we do love you and do not want you to leave. lf we did not want you we would move on to the one we are cheating with.
We just want to have it all..............

Reply to Honest Man
Posted by: Zet | 2011-02-17

To Honest Man

Thank you. That was insightfull !

I was under the impression that my husband loves me when he broke down and very nearly lost it after having lied, cheated and being caught out.

Tonight I am telling him that I am leaving him.... and I am

Reply to Zet
Posted by: Liane | 2011-02-17

At Matty

There will come a time in your life where you will just walk away and be strong at the first sight of cheating, you are most probably still young and that is why you letting your emotions control your thinking, and not to mention pregnancy hormones.

You right there is alot to think about, but only when it comes to your child. You cannot stay with him he has to prove himself first and denying the fact is not a good start.

Move on if its " meant to be"  it will be but not right now as you first have to heal over this deceit, if you get back together thats God''s will but give yourself time...

Reply to Liane
Posted by: Wise Owl | 2011-02-17

XXX is right. I would take it a step further. Don''t worry about him admitting his guilt. If YOU are satisfied in your heart that he is guilty, dump him, not forgetting to make sure you knock him big time financially for child support.

Yes, cheaters will lie. They cheat because they are shallow individuals, with no guts, morals or ethics AND they have no respect for their partners. They are looking for instant gratification which reflects back on their weak characters as outlined above. Useless buggers ! This by the way refers to both male and female cheaters.

Also my dear, you also have brought a lot of this onto your own head, by not making your relationship permanent by marriage. Yes, yes, I can hear all you opponents of marriage shouting me down and I do realise that marriage does not automatically ensure fidelity, but it does cause a would be cheater to carefully consider the consequences, whereas your partner is actually free to do what he pleases !

Reply to Wise Owl
Posted by: Linus | 2011-02-17

The denial is because he is afraid to confront the problem and to have to face the consequences of his actions. And it''s not just men that do this. Women can be a lot more cunning and deceitful in my experience.

Reply to Linus
Posted by: Honest Man | 2011-02-17

We lie because we know you do not want to believe the truth which makes it easy for us.
You hardly ever leave us even when you know the truth,we have nothing to loose either way. Even with black and white evidence you always stay, so why not lie?

Reply to Honest Man
Posted by: Honest man | 2011-02-17

Answers
Men want sex without commitment.
Men cheat because we can.
PS why leave your man when you have a baby - this is a time you should be together. Maybe he felt left out?

Reply to Honest man
Posted by: Zet | 2011-02-17

Yes, it is amazing. And I challenge any man to disagree with me....
You can stand with the proof on black and white in your hands and men will STILL deny. WHY IS THIS
It will be great if some men can respond. I have experienced this and so many other people I know have experienced the same thing.
Why do you lie??
Do you think we are going to " give it up"  if you keep lying?
Do you think it is going to " go away" ?
please explain.

Reply to Zet
Posted by: XXX | 2011-02-17

Looks like he has been lying to you in a big way.If he is not prepared to admit it AND stop it immediately,you will have to dump him.Just make sure he pays maintenance for his child.

Reply to XXX
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-02-17

There is no such thing as 'what men want", any more than there is "what women want". But THIS man you are describing, seems to have behaved badly. Cheating is bad, and presumably it was his child that led to your maternity leave ?
The meaning of the phone numbers is not really clear, but suspicious.
If you really want to repair this relationship ( and you've spent 6 years on it so far ) see a relationship / couples counsellor together. If not, don't leave without ensuring that you get the Maintenance Court to decide how much maintenance he should pay for the child, and to enforce the court order.
Women also cheat, and both men and women lie, and try to deny that they have lied.

Reply to cybershrink

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