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Question
Posted by: Thuto | 2011-10-10

What do I do

A man is never at home, he is either at work or with his friends, when I tell him he fumes with anger, and he scares me. He says my behavior and attitude keep him out of our house, and he doesn''t have facts, cant even point which behaviour. Now I asked him to sit down with me then we can solve this problem, he tells me about my friends who dates married men and he doesn''t want to see them in his house anymore, as if they come (the social club ladies), I am supposed to host them so he says they must not come to his house. I am not enjoying anything, always on my own where as he is with friends or at work, Monday to Sunday. I fell into a trap of dating outside my marriage now, didnt'' know who to tell as friends will enjoy that my marriage has problems. I am thinking of moving out, cause we can''t solve our differences anymore. Is it really worth moving out or should I accept his behaviour.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Is he married ? If so, has anyone he listens to reminded him of this fact ? His parents , perhaps ? If he wants to behave and live like a single man, he should see to it that he is and remains single.
Now, if you have frequent visits from friends who go out with married men, that is disrespectful of the idea of marriage and fidelity, and its understandable that he would be upset by that. Why is it OK if they get other meen to cheat, with them, but you['re worried your own man might be cheating with someone else ? Dont you need to be consistent ? Why do you feel the need to socialize not with other women who are faithful, but with those who encourage infidelity ? Are there no other women to socialize with ?
Or is he mistaken, and your friends are entirely innocent, and he is misjudging them ? Why would he do that ?
And then you admit that YOU are being unfaithful and dating other men while married, so your husband has a real basis for bein suspicious and angry. Why are you doing that ? Its not compulsory.
Why not suggest to him that as the marriage obviously has problems which are making both of you unhappy, that you should see a marriage counsellor together and try seriously to work things out ? You don't have to just accept his behaviour - but neither should he have to "accept" yours. Try properly to sort this relationship out, and i that proves impossible even with prooper expert help, then rather end it rather than continue to be unfaithful and unhappy

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5
Our users say:
Posted by: Romany | 2011-10-10

Exactly as " mazed" says. Two wrongs do not make a right.
You are having an affair and to justify your actions you will look for more and more reasons to do so, from him.
Married women (and men) should not be living seperate social lives.
Nope, get out, this one is not gonna work.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: Amazed......... | 2011-10-10

You are having an affair - not exactly commited to repairing this marriage are you? Why do you expect him to treat you well-you are cheating on him!

Reply to Amazed.........
Posted by: Thuto | 2011-10-10

I don''t invite friends to our house, I only go to them to avoid all this, its only one lady from our club who goes out with a married man (we only meet at the club), my mistake was telling him that I don''t like what that lady is doing now he hits back on me, saying I am dating the guys friends. He has been behaving like thing for more than 6 months, and the affair I am having is 2 weeks old, and I am even afraid to carry on with it. i respect our house but when he is angry he tells me go move out since he can''t stand me, when ever he has done wrong, and I am tired of involving elders, i will suggest marriage counselling. If he is willing if not I will have to move out and give him time to think, if he still need this marriage or not.

Reply to Thuto
Posted by: Nonni | 2011-10-10

Did I understand correctly? You had an affair? Does he know about this? I am just wondering if this is not maybe stimulating his behaviour and also, maybe why he does not want you around people who he maybe sees as a bad influence in your life, hence not wanting them in his house?

If you are not happy, which you clearly arent if you are messing around, then maybe it is time to first, be honest with your husband and tell him the truth that there is somebody else in your life, and second, move on with your life.

Reply to Nonni
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-10-10

Is he married ? If so, has anyone he listens to reminded him of this fact ? His parents , perhaps ? If he wants to behave and live like a single man, he should see to it that he is and remains single.
Now, if you have frequent visits from friends who go out with married men, that is disrespectful of the idea of marriage and fidelity, and its understandable that he would be upset by that. Why is it OK if they get other meen to cheat, with them, but you['re worried your own man might be cheating with someone else ? Dont you need to be consistent ? Why do you feel the need to socialize not with other women who are faithful, but with those who encourage infidelity ? Are there no other women to socialize with ?
Or is he mistaken, and your friends are entirely innocent, and he is misjudging them ? Why would he do that ?
And then you admit that YOU are being unfaithful and dating other men while married, so your husband has a real basis for bein suspicious and angry. Why are you doing that ? Its not compulsory.
Why not suggest to him that as the marriage obviously has problems which are making both of you unhappy, that you should see a marriage counsellor together and try seriously to work things out ? You don't have to just accept his behaviour - but neither should he have to "accept" yours. Try properly to sort this relationship out, and i that proves impossible even with prooper expert help, then rather end it rather than continue to be unfaithful and unhappy

Reply to cybershrink

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