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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2010-03-15

What did I do wrong

On Friday my BF came over, on Thursday he promised that we''ll spend quality time together because we havent done so in a while. He came over at about 18h30 and we had supper together, at about 8pm he tells me he has to go. I questioned him and asked why suddenly does he have to leave after making a promise to me. He told me that he was tired and he came straight from work. The previous week he went out with his guy friends straight from work and got home the early hours of the morning. I asked him why it is that he is always falling asleep when we are together and he told me its because he has a hectic job. All I wanted was for him to stay awake long enough to have a conversation with him, and this after I prepared supper for us. He was determined to go, and we started arguing, next minute he tells me that all I think about is sex and thats why i want him there. We havent been intimate in about 2 weeks. I said this was not true, and it got me very upset and I started crying. At the same time my 3 yr old (who is not his child) tells me that she wants to go with him, and he tells me that he is going to take her home. I made it very clear that this is not acceptable, not because he will do anything but this is not his child. He then told me that I must stop throwing in his face that she is not his child and thats he loves her as his own. She ran out the door telling me she doesnt like me and wants to go with him. I got her inside and smacked her bottom because she was throwing a tantrum. Next minute he storms out and shuts the door, then I got a SMS saying that he wants nothing to do with me and that I shouldnt call him. I tried calling him on Saturday and Sunday and even sent him messages but there is no response. I still dont understand what I did wrong, is it so wrong to want to spend time with the man you love? I suspect he maybe cheating and he tells me that i shouldnt blame him for things that happened in my previous relationship because he is not that type of person. I''m lost, the entire weekend I cried my eyes out and decided that if thats what he wants I have to let go, but how if I dont know what i did wrong.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds like 3 people had a tantrum that evening - 2 older tantrums, and one little person. Why are you pursuing this guy so desperately ? If you have to beg him to spend time with you, its not as much of a friendship as you seem to assume. Maybe your previous bad relationships have primed you to expect cheating, though there's no major reason to assume that this time - but even if he is indeed simply tired from his work, he dopesn't sound able to carry on a reasonably close relationship at this time.
Why are you insisting on giving away so much of your power ? Weeping so hectically is just not appropriate, and an over-reaction to the situation you describe. You are behaving as though this guy is your only possiblity, ever, for a relationship - surely that's not so ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Happiness | 2010-03-15

You settled for less, that''s what you did wrong. He is still a boyfriend yet you already have to beg him to stay and be with you? Where is the love you have for your self? Think about it.

Reply to Happiness
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-03-15

Sounds like 3 people had a tantrum that evening - 2 older tantrums, and one little person. Why are you pursuing this guy so desperately ? If you have to beg him to spend time with you, its not as much of a friendship as you seem to assume. Maybe your previous bad relationships have primed you to expect cheating, though there's no major reason to assume that this time - but even if he is indeed simply tired from his work, he dopesn't sound able to carry on a reasonably close relationship at this time.
Why are you insisting on giving away so much of your power ? Weeping so hectically is just not appropriate, and an over-reaction to the situation you describe. You are behaving as though this guy is your only possiblity, ever, for a relationship - surely that's not so ?

Reply to cybershrink

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