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Question
Posted by: Dot | 2010/09/21

what could this be

Hi there. I am a 26 year old married woman. Amongst a whole array of mental issues (depression, unsupportive husband with his own insecurities, alcholic father etc) that i have, i felt the need to maybe get your opinion on this particular trait of mine. I have serious hang ups about sex. I waited for marriage to have sex because of my religious views - i know this is pretty unheard of but i was happy with this decision. I know that sex isnt " bad"  or dirty and is a healthy part of a relationship. However, i often have feelings of being dirty or disgusting. When I look in the mirror I feel disgusted when i am dressing. Its not because i think i am ugly. Its because i think my nakedness and beauty is filthy and dirty! When i put on nice undies, i feel disgusted with myself. Why?? I dont know what happened that caused me to hate my own body. I dont think its ugly - i feel my body is filthy and disgusting because of its beauty. I often wonder what terrible thing has happened that has caused me to feel so filthy in my own skin. Thats a terrifying thought. I hate the beauty of my body. I feel ill when i see myself looking nice in " that"  way. What could this mean? I often wonder if this could mean that i was abused and just dont remember it. What do you think? I dont recall such a thing happening.. I''ve felt like this since childhood. I could never stand my naked body. I sometimes had dreams that had an awkward sexual overtone involving an uncle of mine. In the dream, nothing sexual happens - its like i am telling him to not come near me or find myself not wanting to be alone with him or telling him " i know what you want to do"  and then running away. Its spilled over into real life to the point that i feel awkward being alone with him or hugging him.
This is all very confusing. I just want your opinion.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Your decision to wait for sex until mariage may be less common than it once was, but is usually a very sensible decision.
But where any aspects of your upbringing encourage the inaccurate and problem-causing views on sex and bodies as disgusting or somehow wrong, this can indeed cause later problems.
CBT style counselling / therapy would be an excellent idea to help you revise these unhelpful and inaccurate habits of thought and to accept and celebrate yourself.
While such views MIGHT be related to having been abused, they very opften arise in an ansence of abuse, so we should not assume that there was abuse - that's just one of the aspects a good counsellor would help you to examine

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/09/21

Your decision to wait for sex until mariage may be less common than it once was, but is usually a very sensible decision.
But where any aspects of your upbringing encourage the inaccurate and problem-causing views on sex and bodies as disgusting or somehow wrong, this can indeed cause later problems.
CBT style counselling / therapy would be an excellent idea to help you revise these unhelpful and inaccurate habits of thought and to accept and celebrate yourself.
While such views MIGHT be related to having been abused, they very opften arise in an ansence of abuse, so we should not assume that there was abuse - that's just one of the aspects a good counsellor would help you to examine

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