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Question
Posted by: Melina | 2011/10/14

what causes unending sensation of heartbreak?

Hi Doc, sorry a long one but pls let me explain

I suffered a massive heartbreak in my early 20s when my fiance ''took to'' my two best friends. It was my first relationship too. A physical pain set in (directly where my heart is), over and above the choking depression. I stayed away from relationships for 5 years and suffered a bigger heartbreak when I ventured into dating again. I dated for two years and when I fell pregnant the person left the same day, not even spending another night. They immediately took another girlfriend. Massive depression set in, again accompanied by that familiar horrible physical pain in the heart area.

I stayed out of the game another few years again and then re-entered very gingerly, did the whole ''friendship first'' thing (esp as I was now a single mother and had to be careful). Some years into that, the person made someone pregnant (she may have been there all along) and promptly married her, stating he had to because she came from a staunch Catholic family who could not accept illegitimate grandchildren. Ofcourse he just wanted to be with her. It was my biggest heartbreak yet. I since have not dated, as I now believe I must be someone a man deliberately sets out to use, abandon or reject. I cannot and will not risk it again, a fourth time will kill me.

That is not the issue though, the issue is my chronic ‘ pained’  condition following the 3rd heartbreak (2006). Predictably, the physical sensation of having a broken heart returned - a horrible leaden pain exactly where my heart is. I read up on something called cardiomyopathy but this cannot be it, as this condition is meant to wear off after a week or so. What is wrong with me? I have been to four counsellors and not once has the leaden pain lifted. Is there a specific type of therapy I shd seek?

This is a vicious cycle because when the pain surges, I relive the heartbreaks and when I relive the heartbreaks, the pain surges... I am basically in a vortex of pain.

Five or six nights a week I wake up and, for the pain, cannot get back to sleep for up to four hours, on top of which it is all I can do to not cry softly in the dark. All that stops me is my child lying next to me  I cannot expose her to my shredded state. What is wrong with me, for me to be suffering such extended heartbreak? Howcome you hear everyday of ppl who’ ve experienced similar massive heartbreak but seven weeks later were happily dating again –  and married by year-end? I know this pain is related to my heartbreak because when I even think briefly of my experiences men, the pain surges wildly. When I distract myself with gym or alcohol or going out, it mutes temporarily. This is an emotional issue - every health check I’ ve had shows me to be one of the healthiest women around - even to look at me I am enviably healthy, fit and strong. But inside, where my heart is, is a ball of flaming pain which has burned relentlessly for years now. How do I get away from it? It is not right that the desertion/rejection of three men, who never even cared about me, should have all but killed me on the inside. Yet I am indeed dead inside, I feel it. Nothing is alive inside of me except for the pain.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You seem to be describing what the old cloche calls "heartache" in terms to a physical sensation related to sadness, but of course you first need a full expert check-up from a specialist in general medicine to be sure there is no physical problem present and needing attention - there could be actual cardiac problems, or problems such as forms of indigestion. These are all made worse and more painful by prolonged stress of the sort you have been experiencing, but can all be usefully treated.
You have had sad and discouraging experiences, of course, and its hard to get perspective on those ( any "man" who walks out on a woman having got her pregnant, is well worth avoiding and not having any relationship with except through the maintenance courts ). So you should see a good local psychologist to help you work through your emotions and to get on top of these disappointments and the unhelpful assumptions and reactions they have left you with.
You were victimized by some crummy men, but you don't need to allow them to continue to victimize them long after they left. Take your own victory by abandoning the hurt they left you with.
Do go to the Maintenance Court and ensure that the biodad is forced to pay proper maintenance for his child. Not only do you and your child deserve that, but it will help to discourage the rat from doing this to anyone else.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/10/15

You seem to be describing what the old cloche calls "heartache" in terms to a physical sensation related to sadness, but of course you first need a full expert check-up from a specialist in general medicine to be sure there is no physical problem present and needing attention - there could be actual cardiac problems, or problems such as forms of indigestion. These are all made worse and more painful by prolonged stress of the sort you have been experiencing, but can all be usefully treated.
You have had sad and discouraging experiences, of course, and its hard to get perspective on those ( any "man" who walks out on a woman having got her pregnant, is well worth avoiding and not having any relationship with except through the maintenance courts ). So you should see a good local psychologist to help you work through your emotions and to get on top of these disappointments and the unhelpful assumptions and reactions they have left you with.
You were victimized by some crummy men, but you don't need to allow them to continue to victimize them long after they left. Take your own victory by abandoning the hurt they left you with.
Do go to the Maintenance Court and ensure that the biodad is forced to pay proper maintenance for his child. Not only do you and your child deserve that, but it will help to discourage the rat from doing this to anyone else.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Brett | 2011/10/14

There is specific syndrome you could be suffering from ironicaly known as " broken heart disease"  it was diagnosed by a Japanese doctor in the seventies. I was diagnosed by a cardioligist and it can be treated and managed.

Reply to Brett
Posted by: CHRIS758 | 2011/10/14

It can be that you are expierencing anxiety attacks. I would go see a doctor about the pain in the heart.....not good!!

Reply to CHRIS758
Posted by: Ginger | 2011/10/14

Sorry to hear about your experiences, but unfortunately I cannot advise. I''m more concerned about you obtaining child maintenance, are u receiving any if not pls approach your local Magistrate Court

Reply to Ginger

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