advertisement
Question
Posted by: Neil | 2010/03/30

What can I do to win over wife again?

I have a problem with my wife in te sense that she doesn''t trust me anymore after the birth of our son 14 months ago. She says she will never feel for me what she did in the past and she doesn''t trust me. She is saying I didn''t support her during the pregnancy and wasn''t there for her when she needed me. She also goes on in saying that I am having an affair with some one and that I am watching porn the whole time without her and pleasuring myself.

Maybe I didn''t support her enough during the pregnacy, I don''t know because it wasn''t an issue then. The last time we had sex is about 18months ago, I can''t remember. I am faithful to my wife and haven''t even tried to have an affair with someone else, I still love her. I did watch some porn on my own because I didn''t want to ask her for anything otherwise it would have been a big fight. Yes I did pleasure myself because its been so long and I long for it from her but she is not willing at this stage.
She doesn''t even get undressed or dressed infront of me anymore, she doesn''t want me to touch her, rub her back or feet. I don''t know what to do anymore. She did suffer from PND, maybe still I don''t know, she doens''t talk to me anymore. She has also put alot of obvious hint out there that she will survive on her own and the kid. I am scared of loosing her and my son. She is not willing to go for counsilling. I am still very much inlove with her but it doesn''t seem that the feeling are mutual, this is breaking my heart.

Please help!

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I wonder whether part of the problem might be a continuing PND ( Post-Natal Depression ) ? Its common following child-birth, and can be fairly sneaky in its effects. Why was treating the previously identified PND ? Could she be persuaded to see such a shrink ( it should best be a psychiatrist ) again, for re-assessment and possible continuing treatment ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

6
Our users say:
Posted by: Leez | 2010/03/30

Ohk Neil, seems you''re trying your damndest to hold onto your marriage here, cheers to that. However, one can ONLY do so much and from your posts, I feel extremely sad for you. You''re a man in a million (another man would''ve gone astray long ago) and she just can''t/refuses to see it. When all''s said and done, it''s time for a serious ''future re-thought''. Good luck :-)

Reply to Leez
Posted by: Woman | 2010/03/30

Neil, you sound very much like the husband a writer discussed just last week. I told the woman involved that I think she opened the door to her husband''s watching Porn and possible affair. I told her that she effectively opened the door to that because him having a sexless marriage was not HIS want or need.

I tell you the same thing. You sound like a great husband and father. So I need to tell you that you can make a difference. You should get her to see a specialist, like CS said. You need to tell her that you love her and that you want your marriage to work. Tell her you miss her - the real her - her smile, her laugh, her sense of humor. Remind her that she is still the same person she used to be, and who she is now, should be better, and not worse.

Tell her, that for the sake of your child, she must, absolutely must, go see someone, because you know, you can see that she is still depressed. Make sure that you tell her that you never blame her or hate her for the things that are wrong right now. Let her know that you understand it is only a chemical imbalance and that it could be set right quickly and easily.

And tell her that you trust her enough to leave the decision of when to go in her hands. Good luck to you.
T

Reply to Woman
Posted by: Neil | 2010/03/30

to Lin,

I have tried that 4 times and it failed badly each time. She couldn''t stop thinking of what her mother was doing with the baby or if everything was okay. Even though her mother smsed updates every 30min. The evening was a disaster, because we didn''t talk to eachother, other than about the baby and what is happening with the baby by her mother, it was just baby talk the whole time. The evenings ended up cut short becasue she wants to go back.

to Happiness
I do my bit with our son, really making time to spend with him and giving her a break to do what she wants to around the house. I make time to spend with him and her together as well. At this stage I think we are about 50/50 taking care of the baby.

Its just heartbreaking to get accussed of stuff and knowing that its not true, especially the part of having an affair. I always prided myself on it that I will NOT be " jumping"  the fence like other men do. No matter how honest I am with her she doesn''t believe me. I don''t know what to do anymore.

Reply to Neil
Posted by: Happiness | 2010/03/30

I think she did suffer from PND but regardless you deserve a pat on the back for being a man and not chicken out by looking for relief outside wed lock.
Accept all the wrong she is accusing you of (even if its not true). Then she won''t have any resistance from you, meaning there''ll be nothing for her to use as an excuse for being mad.

The other question is are you here for her now? Does she still take of the baby most of the time? If the answer is yes then you need to change your ways. As women we need to know that our men have our backs at all times. We need to know you can pick up the slack when we can''t.

Reply to Happiness
Posted by: Lin | 2010/03/30

Try and leave baby with someone she trusts for an evening or the night. Go out and have dinner and talk to each other. Don''t say anything hurtful or put blame on each other. Just start recindling the romance.
Tell her how you feel without making the problem hers. Both of you have to put some effort in this.

Reply to Lin
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/03/30

I wonder whether part of the problem might be a continuing PND ( Post-Natal Depression ) ? Its common following child-birth, and can be fairly sneaky in its effects. Why was treating the previously identified PND ? Could she be persuaded to see such a shrink ( it should best be a psychiatrist ) again, for re-assessment and possible continuing treatment ?

Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement