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Question
Posted by: Piet | 2011/01/27

what can I do, I''m at the end

Hi there,

I am at a point where I think I can''t do this anymore. I am in financial shit to a point where I''m going to get kicked out my house and my car (my only means of income, beacuse I''m a rep) taken away from me. I''m fighting with my wife and my child (her child from previous) about money. I''m not an addict, I''m not an excessive drinker. - started my own business to make more money and its not coming as fast as we thought. Everything is going pear shaped and I think the ony way out is to end it.

How the F do I get out of this. I''m f#" ''ed what do I do. I''m on debt review to help leaviate the pressure but with the business not doing well I''m gooing backwards. If I got a job it wouldn''t pay enough to sustain us... F#*K

If you can please help

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Good responses from other readers.
Don't let the stress push you into fighting with wife and child - its obviously not them that are causing the problems. But they must be understanding in accepting very careful budgeting and NO expenditure other than on essentials.
Find alternative and cheaper accomodation, and explore how to do this without losing as much as possible of what you have alread paid towards the house. The car is necessary for your job - is there a cheaper car you could exchange it for ? And explore such options, including trimming the household budget, with your wife. two.stone has been there, and outlines a realistic and successful approach.
You can and WILL make it !

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/01/29

Good responses from other readers.
Don't let the stress push you into fighting with wife and child - its obviously not them that are causing the problems. But they must be understanding in accepting very careful budgeting and NO expenditure other than on essentials.
Find alternative and cheaper accomodation, and explore how to do this without losing as much as possible of what you have alread paid towards the house. The car is necessary for your job - is there a cheaper car you could exchange it for ? And explore such options, including trimming the household budget, with your wife. two.stone has been there, and outlines a realistic and successful approach.
You can and WILL make it !

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Piet | 2011/01/28

Thanks guys.

All your advice is reassuring! I will pull myself towards myself and get on it!

Thank you very much.

Reply to Piet
Posted by: Eric | 2011/01/28

Hello Piet - a very important step in getting out of this mess is asking for help just as you have done here. Two.stone and the others are giving excellent advice for you to use. Also don''t be shy in asking friends and family for financial help and support - I am sure they will help you and your family out if they can. Your situation I am sure is overwhelming and just as if you where in deep water drowning you need to start swimming and make the right moves to get out of your situation now - do not wait passively hoping it will get better. You need to take radical action to implement Two.stones advice urgently. Do whatever you need to (except steal). Also stop fighting with your wife and get her to start helping you. Both of you can team up to get back on your feet and I am sure you can do it - all the best...

Reply to Eric
Posted by: two.stone | 2011/01/28

Piet - I lost everything a few years ago when my business collapsed - house, cars, Credit Cards, etc.etc . It got so bad that we, and our animals, were being fed by my kids (adults), my Mother and other family members - even bought our electricity. WE HAD NOTHING - not R1!! We also wanted to end things and often spoke about how to do it. Today, we own a small house, (with a bond!) a car, and although not well-off, we are happy. This is what saved us:
1.) I went to see, wrote, phoned EVERYONE we owed money to, especially our bank (R2.3 million!!). I was brutally honest with all of them regarding our situation.
2.) I fought to make sure no Judgements were issued against us (this is crucial, for when you are back on your feet.)
3.) I asked for time to find a job, sell my assetts (as opposed to the banks selling it all on auction for a lot less). I convinced them their losses would be much higher otherwise as I would never be able to pay what I owe in this lifetime. They all agreed to give me some time.
4) I found a job - salary not great, BUT, we could buy food, electricity etc, and more importantly, it gave my Creditors confidence that we were doing something.
5.) Having a job, GAVE ME MY CONFIDENCE BACK. This is crucial as you feel a complete loser and it filters through to your Creditors. Things then started improving all round (snowball effect.)
6.) The other CRITICAL thing is that I kept my bank and the others informed EVERY step of the way as to what I was doing.
7) Lastly, AND THE MOST IMPORTANT - the wheel will turn!!!
Good luck Piet - you can get through this - BELIEVE ME, PLEASE!

Reply to two.stone
Posted by: Soul | 2011/01/28

Romany is right, this is the time that you folks need to pull together you will make it through this, it''s going to take time but it will happen. Don''t give up and don''t give in, you guys are in this together.

Reply to Soul
Posted by: Romany | 2011/01/28

Hi Piet
Join the club !! I don''t want to guess the percentage of South Africans in the exact same situation or worst situations.
Time for action. Stop fighting the wife. It is not her fault. You are by no means unique here.
Ofcourse it is not yours either.
Get out ofthe house, get a flat or a granny flat or whatever it takes. No time to hold onto wordly things now.
No time to " end"  stuff now.
Time to sit, make a plan and do what you have to do. Whatever it takes !!
You can do it.

Reply to Romany

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