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Question
Posted by: lebo | 2010/07/08

what can I do for mom

my mom is turning 60yrs and I am not sure how to support her emotionally. She is always complaining even, if its small things and i feel that she is stubborn and strict when its not necessary. sometimes I think, that its becos she is aging or maybe its menopause?

she has 6 siblings and they sometimes distance themselves from her. my aunt would visit my uncle (uncle lives in same neigbourhood as mom) and sleep as his place and does not want to sleep over at my mom''s house and says mom is tiring with her complaints. and this really hurts mom and to see her hurt, if affects me as well

mom divorced in 1999 cos she felt the relationship with my hubby was not going anyway. but hubby (who was my step father) was cheating, so i do not blame her. after that she said she will not date or marry again. sometimes, i think she needs to have a companion.

she calls me more than 5 times in a day to complain that her manager and coworkers are rude to her and treat her badly. in my company, i work in HR and i have suggested several times that she contact the HR in her company to voice her complaints. but she says that she does not know proper english and will not do it. but then she carries on complaining and this is not helping.

she works in a cash and carry/wholesaler type environment but she is a receptionist.

i am 35yrs and my daughter is 5 yr and is at my mom''s for the school holidays. now she fussy that i do not dress my daughter properly and she needs to wear that and not this.

yesterday, she called and said she has had it at work and wants to resign. so, i pleaded with her to calm down and not to resigned without thinking well about this. she said she already wrote the letter and wants to hand it to the manager.

i am not sure what to do, since she has medical aid - can I suggest that she goes to a psychologist? please advice, as im not sure what to do anymore? i am the only child that she has

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I'm wondering whether what you describe in your mom is entirely new behaviour with her ( in which case one would need to wqonder what changed, in her health or situation, to explain such a change ). Or is it that she has always been like this, but either you now find it harder to accept and tolerate, or it has become exaggerated as she grows old ( which often happens ).
Have you tried VERY gently discussing with your mom how much, though you can understand that she finds many things disappointing or upsetting, her habit of grumbling and complaining drives away people who could otherwise be helpful and supportive, because it makes them feel bad.
Surely in the company where she works, it'd be a loust HR department what required someone to be wholly fluent in English to be able to get halp - isn't there someone there who can help her in her own language ?
A psychologist could indeed probably help her - IF she would sincerely seek actual help , and of course if she doesn't resign thus ending her medical aid.

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Lerato | 2010/07/09

this sounds like my mom - except that she''s been divorced for more than 25 years! it all honesty - it is frustrating as one has to deal with own''s drama and mama''s drama!

Reply to Lerato
Posted by: lebo | 2010/07/08

thanks for the advice. it is not new behavior, she has always been strict, complaining and controlling. since last year i feel its getting worse. lately she complains about money. everymonth end she is upset that her salary is gone and she has not bought food.

this is becos she likes to renovate the house often and does not save for it and uses salary to pay the builders and then her accounts are not paid and when i plead with her to save then she says it has to be like that.

i will have a discussion and will ask her to consider going to see shrink.

Reply to lebo
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/07/08

I'm wondering whether what you describe in your mom is entirely new behaviour with her ( in which case one would need to wqonder what changed, in her health or situation, to explain such a change ). Or is it that she has always been like this, but either you now find it harder to accept and tolerate, or it has become exaggerated as she grows old ( which often happens ).
Have you tried VERY gently discussing with your mom how much, though you can understand that she finds many things disappointing or upsetting, her habit of grumbling and complaining drives away people who could otherwise be helpful and supportive, because it makes them feel bad.
Surely in the company where she works, it'd be a loust HR department what required someone to be wholly fluent in English to be able to get halp - isn't there someone there who can help her in her own language ?
A psychologist could indeed probably help her - IF she would sincerely seek actual help , and of course if she doesn't resign thus ending her medical aid.

Reply to cybershrink

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