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Posted by: One Date Wonder | 2010/02/04

What am I doing wrong?

here i am. 30 years old. i' m attractive. intelligent. funny. i' m very independent. i am not high maintenance. i am creative. but i am still single.

and it' s not that i need a man. i would just like to have someone to go to the movies with who will hold my hand. or someone to go take walks with on the beach. someone who i can introduce as my boyfriend. i' ve had 1 boyfriend for 6 whole months during the duration of FIVE YEARS!! i sound like a walking cliché ! i am not clingy, i listen, i laugh, i' m interesting. it' s not necessary, but it would be nice. i got asked out a total of 3 times last year. i call myself the One Date Wonder because i go on one date and then wonder what i did wrong? i don' t go home with the guys because i don' t believe in sex before marriage so it' s not because i made myself cheap.

the one guy was everything i wanted in a man. and we went on 2 dates, then he invited me to supper and dvds at his place and proceeded to text on the morning of the date to say that " i don' t want to hurt your feelings but can we rather be friends? i' m in love with someone else and i' m actually too busy to date" . the other guy and i had some awesome chemistry but he just never contacted me again.... until i saw him with his new girlfriend a week later. and these are decent guys!!

i try not to, but i wonder what' s wrong with me... am i too big? am i too loud? am i too quiet? are my ideas too extreme? and i know..... as everyone keeps telling me..... " the right guy will come at the right time" .... but why can' t i just have someone until then (if this makes sense)??

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Nothing wrong. Any sensible man would be really hoping to meet someone like you - but there aren't that many sensible men around. As the crude idiot calling himself "?" proves.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: NO | 2010/02/05

DON' T READ THAT BOOK - IT' S WRITTEN BY A MALE CHAUVINIST!!!!!

I watch " Tough Love"  and I love it. It' s realistic and practical and not a cliche. It' s on channel 126 (Animax) on Tuesaday 19h00. But it' s a finale next week.

Reply to NO
Posted by: qwerty | 2010/02/05

You can also try reading a book called " Act like a lady, think like a man" . Haven' t read it myself, but have heard good things about it, and it' s also told from a guy' s perspective - what to do, what not do to, and what to expect from guys.
Good luck, and keep us posted!!

Reply to qwerty
Posted by: L | 2010/02/05

Oh and thank you to Wise Owl, H and Sansh for your replies as well!

And thank you Tia for making a stand even though you also got flack for it!

Reply to L
Posted by: L | 2010/02/05

wow...!! i really enjoyed reading your replies!!

just to clear up a few things:
BOBELINA : I don' t think a lot of myself - but i do know that i was fearfully and wonderfully made so i can see the good in me (even though i can also be my worst critic) because i was created to be one of a kind just as everyone else. we are supposed to humble but we should also embrace and affirm our talents and characteristics.

and i don' t meet men in pubs, clubs or on the internet. i meet them through friends, at the gym or at events.

I do think that i might have hurt a couple of nice guys by not going out with them because they weren' t my type. so it could be a case of " what goes around comes around"  :)

thank you for your honesty!!

QWERTY : all i can say is WOWOWOW!! thank you for all the trouble you went through for your answer!! i copied and pasted and printed and i' m going to share it with my other (awesome) single friends!

? : my breath is super thanks, as are my teeth, my smile and my laugh at your comment  )

Reply to L
Posted by: qwerty | 2010/02/05

There' s this reality show called " tough love" , and it' s about a match maker who is trying to find relationships for a group of intelligent, attractive women who can' t seem to meet Mr Right... And he explains dating rules to them from the male perspective. The basic premise isn' t that the women need to be different people, but that they need to approach the dating scene differently. Here are some of his rules: (found them online)

#1 - Don' t be weird.
#4 - Remember your date' s name! What, are you going to say, " hey you"  all day long?
#8 - Never let a pretty face fool you.
#11 - Don' t dominate the conversation. If you' re giving a guy a checklist when you first meet him, you can just check yourself right off his list. It' s a complete turn-off.
#12 - Don' t go fishing for compliments. If a guy thinks you look good, he will tell you.
#14 - Get a little closer. Send the guy some signals. Don' t just play with your hair, make eye contact, gaze at his lips. And if all else fails, kiss him yourself.
#14 - If you want a guy to kiss you, kiss him!
#19 - There' s no room for hypocrisy in dating. If you won' t date guys older than you, don' t expect younger guys to want to date you.
#20 - You don' t keep your ear to the ground, you' ll never hear the buffalo coming. If you' re into a guy so much that you can' t pay attention to anything he' s saying, you might miss some need-to-know information.
#21 - You should only text on an N2K basis. That' s stuff you need to know, like I' m running late or I can' t make it or I' m married.
#31 - When revealing secrets, turn a negative into a positive. Don' t just let him in on a negative experience. Tell him how it' s helped you grow.
#33 - When asking out a guy, try not to be nervous. Most guys love being asked out since they' re usually the one doing the asking. So, be confident and direct.
#36 - A partial truth is still a lie. Telling only part of the truth is like being a little bit pregnant.
#48 - Put a cork in it. Telling a guy how much you like to drink makes you sound like a loser.
#53 - Don' t bring wedding plans up on a date or else a guy' s gonna think your biological clock is more like a stopwatch.
#54 - Don' t order a guy around. If you' re barking orders, he' ll eventually just bark back.
#55 - Stop staring, please. Making eye contact shows you confidence, but too much makes you look a little crazy.
#59 - Do not under any circumstances, do not fist bump anyone you might want to have sex with. It' s like having a tattoo on your knuckles that say, " Just Friends." 
#66 - No guy ever is excited to meet your ex. He' s only playing it cool because he doesn' t want to embarrass you or himself.
#70 - Less is more. Especially when it comes to sexual partners. For women, it should be like a golf score, the lower the better.
#73 - Don' t try to outthink love. Love is emotional, not cerebral. Sometimes you can be so smart, it makes you stupid.
#75 - Shut your yap. Women, I know you want the guy to know you so you both can feel more comfortable, but when you give the guy too much information, you' re going to ruin the fantasy, and he' s not going to want to come back for more.
#76 - A first date is never a good time to air your dirty laundry.
#77 - Don' t try too hard. Faking sexy is like bad plastic surgery. It only takes a glance to know it ain' t real.
#79 - Never call your date " friend."  Otherwise, he' ll think romance is off the table because he' s in the " friend"  zone.
#81 - When accepting a gift from a guy, the value of it should be appropriate to how you really feel about him. Otherwise, you' ll come off pretty cold-hearted and even greedy.
#84 - Don' t assume a guy you' re dating looks at a dollar bill the same way you do. Everyone has a different relationship with money.
#87 - If you want to impress a guy, don' t speak with your mouth full of food.
#91 - Don' t use a secret as a weapon. Reveal it in a way that makes you bond, not one that sends him running for cover.
#100 - Everybody gets rejected, but it' s important to try to learn something from it.

Reply to qwerty
Posted by: Bobelina | 2010/02/04

Tia - who died and made you God of this site? bitches like you should rather bugger off. Like you' ve said anything of meaning....

okay

Dear guy....i have dated as well and 5 years ago i found Mr. right so let me give you some tips?


i'  m attractive

TRANSLATED : HE/SHE LOOOOOVES HIM/HERSELF AND THINKS SHE/HE' S OH SO PRETTY.....an immediate " put off" 

SOME MEN SAY THAT A PRETTY WOMAN IS EVERYBODY' S WOMAN....

i'  ve had 1 boyfriend for 6 whole months during the duration of FIVE YEARS!!
WHERE ARE YOU LOOKING FOR " MEN"  ? PUBS? INTERNET? WHERE....MAYBE YOU ARE LOOKING IN THE WRONG PLACES?

i got asked out a total of 3 times last year
DO YOU ASK GUYS OUT THAT YOU THINK ARE NICE?
WHY NOT?

i call myself the One Date Wonder because i go on one date and then wonder what i did wrong?
DONT YOU HAVE MALE FRIENDS? MAYBE THEY CAN COMMENT?

i don'  t go home with the guys because i don'  t believe in sex before marriage so it'  s not because i made myself cheap.
GOOD FOR YOU!

the one guy was everything i wanted in a man. and we went on 2 dates, then he invited me to supper and dvds at his place and proceeded to text on the morning of the date to say that "  i don'  t want to hurt your feelings but can we rather be friends?
MAYBE YOU ARE TO MUCH OF A JOLLING FRIEND? LIKE A MAN FRIEND YOU ARE JUST A GIRL? IF YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT IM SAYING?
STOP BEING THEIR PAL!

.... but why can'  t i just have someone until then (if this makes sense) ARE THERE MEN THAT YOU' VE NOT WANTED TO SEE AGAIN? HAVE YOU MAYBE DONE THE SAME 2 SOME GUYS? INVESTIGATE WHY YOU DID IT AND MAYBE THEN YOU' LL UNDERSTAND THEM A BIT BETTER?

IT SEEMS LIKE YOU (I DONT MEAN TO HURT YOU) THINK ALOT OF YOURSELF....maybe that' s the problem?

Reply to Bobelina
Posted by: h | 2010/02/04

SA men are insecure and conservative and don' t like independent women. sad fact but true...

Reply to h
Posted by: Sansh | 2010/02/04

Hi there.

My brother has sort of the same problem as you, there is nothing wrong with him he is good looking funny and succesful and he says he cant find a date either.
I know that he had his heart ripped out his chest my a woman almost 10 years ago, and since then he has never been able to really trust a woman again. and as funny and charming as he is im sure woman can see through him.

Maybe you have some sort of un solved emotional stuff that men see , or maye just because you are so intelligent and independent they become sort of intimidated. men are strange creatures sometimes, they need to feel as though they can take care of us women..

Good luck with your problem, soon you' ll meet someone when you least expect it and they' ll sweep you off your feet..

Reply to Sansh
Posted by: Tia | 2010/02/04

Att: ?
I am sure the writer is not looking for cruelty. If you don' t have anything constructive to say get of this site...

Reply to Tia
Posted by: ? | 2010/02/04

miskien stink jou asem????lol!

Reply to ?
Posted by: Wise Owl | 2010/02/04

You sound like a nice person, nothing complicated, honest and someone with morals/ethics, not something one finds easily these days. Everyone seems to be so grabby and " me,me,me, I want it all and I don' t want to wait"  I must say however, that generally people look at the outward appearances initially (that' s why the pretty little sluts who tear the heart out of guys and walk away laughing have all the dates ) so there just MAY be something, visually, that puts guys off and they don' t get a chance to know the real you. However, I am sure that you will meet Mr Right, they are out there for sure. Good luck and blessings for you.

Reply to Wise Owl
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/02/04

Nothing wrong. Any sensible man would be really hoping to meet someone like you - but there aren't that many sensible men around. As the crude idiot calling himself "?" proves.

Reply to cybershrink

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