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Question
Posted by: Angel | 2012/03/01

Weird or not?

I have a very close male friend who has recently admitted to me that he has " deep voyeuristic tendencies" . I do not find this offensive or unacceptable as the way he lives his life is his choice, yet he feels the need to apologise to me that he has this sexual fantasy so to speak. He says he is weird and he is afraid it may affect our friendship. He was honest enough to share this with me. I have told him that it does not bother me, but he thinks I may not see him in the same light anymore! Any feelings about voyeurism or maybe this is not the correct forum for this discussion?? Any input would be appreciated and please, no criticism.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I tend to agree with your point of view - he really has no need to apologise to you - unless he has been exercising his voyeuristic interests by peeping at you personally.
It can be important to distinguish between fantasies ( things someone may enjoy thinking about ) and things they actually do. Sometimes the doing of would be criminal, while the thinking of, would be something other people wouldnt notice or complain about.
Many people have little kinks which, thought about, may be a sort of condiment in spicing their otherwise legitimate sex life. That's different from spending his nights climbing trees outside other people's homes, with binoculars.
Its not clear from your message whether he's a thinker or a doer.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Angel | 2012/03/01

I must also mention that he was abused as a child and as far as I know, was not treated by a psychologist or psychiatrist.

Reply to Angel
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/03/01

I tend to agree with your point of view - he really has no need to apologise to you - unless he has been exercising his voyeuristic interests by peeping at you personally.
It can be important to distinguish between fantasies ( things someone may enjoy thinking about ) and things they actually do. Sometimes the doing of would be criminal, while the thinking of, would be something other people wouldnt notice or complain about.
Many people have little kinks which, thought about, may be a sort of condiment in spicing their otherwise legitimate sex life. That's different from spending his nights climbing trees outside other people's homes, with binoculars.
Its not clear from your message whether he's a thinker or a doer.

Reply to cybershrink

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