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Question
Posted by: Promise | 2011-07-08

wedding ring

Yesterday after work while heading home I had a huge fight with my husband. I realized he was not wearing his wedding ring and I innocently asked why he was not wearing his ring. This was his answer “ You only realized now that I was not wearing my ring, I stopped wearing it 9 months ago.”  I asked why and the answer was “ nothing, I just decided not to “ . I was expecting an answer like a forgot it or it does not fit anymore, something like that. He told me he is not going to wear it because he does not feel the need to. He is married with or without the ring, the ring does not mean anything to him. I once got hold of the messages he forgot to delete while he was using my phone. It was between him and his girlfriend. I called the woman and he was surprised to hear that my husband is married and she would never have dated him if she knew. They were dating for now 2 months at the time. I thought he was taking off the ring when he was meeting these women, but taking it off permanently and not seeing anything wrong about it is just something else. I don’ t think I can take this anymore. What is the meaning of this.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

For some people ( often women ) objects like a ring are loaded with symbolic importance, and wearing / not wearing them is felt to be highly significant. To other people ( often men ) they are optional items of jewellery, with little symbolic importance to them - with this not meaning that they do not value the relationship, but that they see the relationship as far more reflected in what the couple actually do or feel together, than in whether or not the ring is worn.
Some of us just find rings unfomroartable. But they wouldn't suddenly become uncomfortable after wearing them for years without complaint.
Now, this is different in someone who has actually been cheating with a girlfriend who he lied to about not being married, where not wearing the ring was strategic, and part of his technique for cheating you and the other woman, then the significance of not wearing it is very different and more sinister,
Wouldn't some marriage counselling sessions be useful ? There is something FAR greater wron wih the relationship / marriage right now, than anything just about a ring.

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4
Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-07-09

For some people ( often women ) objects like a ring are loaded with symbolic importance, and wearing / not wearing them is felt to be highly significant. To other people ( often men ) they are optional items of jewellery, with little symbolic importance to them - with this not meaning that they do not value the relationship, but that they see the relationship as far more reflected in what the couple actually do or feel together, than in whether or not the ring is worn.
Some of us just find rings unfomroartable. But they wouldn't suddenly become uncomfortable after wearing them for years without complaint.
Now, this is different in someone who has actually been cheating with a girlfriend who he lied to about not being married, where not wearing the ring was strategic, and part of his technique for cheating you and the other woman, then the significance of not wearing it is very different and more sinister,
Wouldn't some marriage counselling sessions be useful ? There is something FAR greater wron wih the relationship / marriage right now, than anything just about a ring.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: ... | 2011-07-08

Eish the crap that you married people put each other through, you''d swear you got married at gunpoint.

Reply to ...
Posted by: Laurei | 2011-07-08

Well ring or no ring, he is married therefore flirting and dating games are over. If he cannot accept this, he is not marriage material and you shouldnt accept this behaviour The fact that he already has had an affiar proves that he wants to either behave like a single man or have his bread buttered on both sides. either way, this is very unfair and unacceptable. If it were me, I would kick him to the curb.

Reply to Laurei
Posted by: Maria | 2011-07-08

I know people who are happily married but don''t wear wedding rings simply because they don''t like wearing rings. So that in itself is not significant. However if he stopped wearing the ring after having worn it for a number of years (? you don''t say how long you''ve been married), and you know he is cheating, then why are you just worried about his ring? It''s almost as if you''re saying it''s ok for him to have girlfriends as long as he wears his wedding ring? It is never ok for a married person to have relationsihps outside of the marriage, and that should be what you are upset about rather than the ring.

Reply to Maria

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