Our expert says:
I understand you concerns about wet places, or drinking holes as they are called. But you don't have to hang around them to have a social life.
There is so much to do, the world is your oyster. You can go to the movies, the theatre, live concerts, book launches, sports matches, fashion shows, car shows...try something new every week.
Open your mind to new experiences and don't judge it before you've tried it.
You don't say where you live, but why don't you buy the local newspaper and see what's happening over weekends. Become a tourist in your own city.
Really, there is no solid reason to just stay at home and sulk. What about a cooking course? Italian, Greek, or Chinese?
You can take turns to cook an exotic and cheap meal once a week, invite some friends and see to it that the alcohol is kept to a minimum.
Hiking is also a great way to get exercise; you can walk through the mountains, on the beach, you name it.
Plan a weekend away with some friends. Go to a new village, read up about the history of the place, try the restaurants, befriend some locals.
It's also nice to discover cheap restaurants, new beaches, walks, shops, neighbourhoods...
I am glad to hear that your boyfriend is clean and sober, but he will have to make an effort to mix with other people, even if some of them drink.
He doesn't have to participate. What about his friends in NA and AA? I have lots of friends in the fellowship, but quite often I have to pick up the phone and make the arrangements.
Phones don't always just ring by themselves. Someone has to pick up the phone and dial...a number. It's an action. It takes a bit of effort.
It's part of the addict's disease to want to isolate. Isolating and feeling sorry for yourself, go hand in hand.
His mood swings could be related to a lack of exercise, a lack of healthy social interaction and even a sense of entitlement because his social life is not going the way it should.
He must be careful of the "poor me poor me pour me another drink syndrome". Addicts often like to sit back and wait for things to happen. They don't like the frustration involved in trying or taking risks.
If his mood swings are chronic and difficult to live with, he should see a doctor to discuss his symptoms.
But I have a feeling that it might lift once he gets more involved in life again. Best of luck.
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