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Question
Posted by: Survivor | 2012-03-19

Was It rape

i was about 7 and i am now 37 so 30 years ago a man in our neighbourhood called me to his house he showed me a ponographic book after that he told me to undress and he brush off his thing on my vigina while he was wearing his clothes after few minutes of doing that he gave me some money i cant remember how much and told me to dress quickly. i did that and went to the shop to buy some fatcakes and went home. The following day i saw my little sister who was then 5 buying same fatcakes and i asked her where she got the money she told me from ABC what came to my mind that time was it means ABC did the same thing to her. We never spoke about it and the memory is still there. Last year i told my big sister what happened those years ago and she said arg you were too young to remember such thing its like no one will believe my story especially because now i have a problem of easily forgetting things. I think what happened years ago is now affecting me and the way i am overprotective of my daughter. And my big sister even said if that did happen it is not rape i must just forgive ABC. I wish i can confront him but i am scared of how he might regret. He might even deny the matter especially looking at how i behaved during my teen years i was one of those trouble teenagers who was once on boys and drinking, it was likei was a pain to my mom. I lied a lot i stole a lot from my mom. But that chaged when i was about 22 years old.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its very unlikely that you would "remember" such events if they were not true, or that you and your sister would have the same untrue beliefs. It surely did happen. And it doesn't really matter if other people believe you or not ; the important thing is how you decide to allow it to affect you. You did nothing wrong ; ABD did.
After all this time there's nothing useful you can do about him, and after all this time, there wouldn't be any evidence anyway. The only good reason for considering making any complaint about him, or asking round with others who were children at that time, would be if you had good reasons to believe he was still molesting young girls, and even then its not likely to prove useful.
Remarkably, some people seem to grow up without being troubled by unpleasant memories of such events, and not showing any apparent ill-effects ; others are indeed troubled, and may for a time become involved in bad behaviour as teens, including sexual misbehaviour.
Confronting the perp is rarely useful, though encouraged by some naive counsellors. And forgiving the perp is entirely unnecessary and unhelpful, except in the sense, not of letting him off the hook ( he shouldn't know of any such decision ) but in the sense of letting yourself off the hook and deciding not to any longer be tied to the events and the perp by bonds of personal bitterness.
DO see a good personal counsellor to help you to set yourself free

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Maria | 2012-03-19

Survivor from personal experience I can tell you this... it doesn''t matter so much what happened and what the label is you give it. What matters is the effect it had on your thinking and behaviour. Therapy really helped me to sort this whole thing out in my head. I was 12 when it happened and 30 when I first told someone about it, and in between my view of men was rather skewed. I don''t think you need to forgive as if nothing serious happend,I also don''t think confronting the guy will really be helpful. While it''s uppermost in your mind you are giving him power over you though, whether he is aware of it or not. Do yourself a favour and talk to someone who can help you to get a different perspective on this. Take care.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012-03-19

Its very unlikely that you would "remember" such events if they were not true, or that you and your sister would have the same untrue beliefs. It surely did happen. And it doesn't really matter if other people believe you or not ; the important thing is how you decide to allow it to affect you. You did nothing wrong ; ABD did.
After all this time there's nothing useful you can do about him, and after all this time, there wouldn't be any evidence anyway. The only good reason for considering making any complaint about him, or asking round with others who were children at that time, would be if you had good reasons to believe he was still molesting young girls, and even then its not likely to prove useful.
Remarkably, some people seem to grow up without being troubled by unpleasant memories of such events, and not showing any apparent ill-effects ; others are indeed troubled, and may for a time become involved in bad behaviour as teens, including sexual misbehaviour.
Confronting the perp is rarely useful, though encouraged by some naive counsellors. And forgiving the perp is entirely unnecessary and unhelpful, except in the sense, not of letting him off the hook ( he shouldn't know of any such decision ) but in the sense of letting yourself off the hook and deciding not to any longer be tied to the events and the perp by bonds of personal bitterness.
DO see a good personal counsellor to help you to set yourself free

Reply to cybershrink

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