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Question
Posted by: JJ | 2010/06/03

Was I Too Harsh?

I have lived with a friend for 2 years now and I love her to bits.
She has two crazy dogs that basically run the house and last night it got on my last nerve. I wrote her an email this morning, explaining what I was unhappy about and that our friendship means alot and I wouldnt want to fight over something silly. She wrote a very cold email back and now I can tell that she is different to me. Was I unfair for doing this? Yes she does pay more rent than me but does that make the situation right? I am also stressing because I talk to her about so many private things and I am scared she will now feel its ok to let these secrets out. Should I just give her time to cool off?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I wonder whether this is your house or hers. From the tone of your message, it would seem to be your home, in which case it is fair that you would set the rules, and your message sounds to have been reasonable. When you say she pays more rent than you, it implies that you BOTH rent to place together - why does she pay more rent ? Does she use and have control over a larger area of the place ?
Anyhow, give her time to cool off ( or perhaps to warm up !) and be ready to discuss the problem calmly and in a friendly fashion. I doubt that if she had ben a genuine friend all along, she would now start breaking your confidence over other things

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/06/03

I wonder whether this is your house or hers. From the tone of your message, it would seem to be your home, in which case it is fair that you would set the rules, and your message sounds to have been reasonable. When you say she pays more rent than you, it implies that you BOTH rent to place together - why does she pay more rent ? Does she use and have control over a larger area of the place ?
Anyhow, give her time to cool off ( or perhaps to warm up !) and be ready to discuss the problem calmly and in a friendly fashion. I doubt that if she had ben a genuine friend all along, she would now start breaking your confidence over other things

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