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Question
Posted by: Anony | 2012/02/27

Was I molested?

I am a grown woman now but something have been bothering me for years.
At the age from 9 to 11 years old my brother who is 4 years older than me ( his age was 13 - 15) " fooled"  around with me. All started with touching but progressed to oral sex on both parts (Which totally freaked me out because I thought it was dirty), him ejaculating on my body and rubbing it on my privates and he did try tot penetrate me but it hurt too much so luckily it did not progress to full intercourse.
Now I have always wondered was the molestation or just kids " fooling around" 
I remember in the beginning enjoying it but at the end he even had me crying once. Always saying he will tell my parents what I did (I thought it was my fault)
And then could this have had a affect with me having depression today?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

As Maria says, labels are MUCH less important than how events affected you ; and your own attitude to events not only influences how negatively they do or do not affect you, but as your attitude can change, this gives you the power to control the extent to which you allow such events to influence you.
If there is any useful distinction to be made, I'd say that kids "fool around" and experiment sexually more than most adults wish to recognize, and it is usually out of curiousity ( and often fuelled by inadequate sex education ) and not with any INTENTION of harming the other person, often withough really recognizing that the other person might be deeply upset by it. Whereas when an adult does the same thing with a child, they DO know that it may be deeply disturbing, and still choose to go ahead. It is not experimentation, but a deliberate using of the other person who they know is vulnerable for entirely selfish purposes.
Its not uncommon for the situation to be as you describe, for both parties to initially be willing and to find it enjoyable, but for one to want to go further, or for longer, than the other does, and for it to become unpleasant.
It might be something in your past which still worries you, and would be worth talking through with a counsellor if you were seeign one, but I would not expect it to cause a depression in an adult - though depression is more likely to cause one to review ones life history and worry more about unpleasant events.
As Maia says, discussing it with a psychotherapist / counsellor is ideal, to free you from any unhelpful consequences which might be troubling you

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Maria | 2012/02/28

When I was around that same age, the son of family friends " fooled around"  with me. It never went nearly as far as what happened to you. Yes you were molested but frankly the label isn''t that important. What is important is the effect it had on you. In my case these incidents (combined with other factors) lead to me shunning contact and relationships with men throughout my teens and 20''s. It was only when I started therapy for depression at the age of 30 that I finally told someone about this. A skilled and empathetic psychologist (who happened to be male) helped me work through it, and I''m now happily married to a stunning man. Please go and talk to someone, you deserve to be helped.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/02/28

As Maria says, labels are MUCH less important than how events affected you ; and your own attitude to events not only influences how negatively they do or do not affect you, but as your attitude can change, this gives you the power to control the extent to which you allow such events to influence you.
If there is any useful distinction to be made, I'd say that kids "fool around" and experiment sexually more than most adults wish to recognize, and it is usually out of curiousity ( and often fuelled by inadequate sex education ) and not with any INTENTION of harming the other person, often withough really recognizing that the other person might be deeply upset by it. Whereas when an adult does the same thing with a child, they DO know that it may be deeply disturbing, and still choose to go ahead. It is not experimentation, but a deliberate using of the other person who they know is vulnerable for entirely selfish purposes.
Its not uncommon for the situation to be as you describe, for both parties to initially be willing and to find it enjoyable, but for one to want to go further, or for longer, than the other does, and for it to become unpleasant.
It might be something in your past which still worries you, and would be worth talking through with a counsellor if you were seeign one, but I would not expect it to cause a depression in an adult - though depression is more likely to cause one to review ones life history and worry more about unpleasant events.
As Maia says, discussing it with a psychotherapist / counsellor is ideal, to free you from any unhelpful consequences which might be troubling you

Reply to cybershrink

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