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Question
Posted by: Suspiscious | 2009-04-09

Was friend really raped?

My best friend recently told me she had been raped. When she told me, she didn' t seem at all upset, although she spoke of him with absolute disgust. A few days later I used her phone to send an sms, and I saw a whole lot of recent messages from the guy who supposedly raped her. I don' t want to doubt her, but she' s a wise young lady with a good upbringing. Why would she still keep in touch with someone she claims raped her? Sometimes she still calls him, although she doesn' t know I know. I feel so suspiscious, and I have this inappropriate desire to sneak around and find out what really happened to try and protect her. She made me promise not to tell anyone, and I don' t know where I stand on this. If she really was raped, surely I should tell someone?

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Our expert says:
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People react differently to horrible experiences like rape, but it does sound odd for her to have remained in touch with her rapist and to be still accepting messages from him ( surely she could have blocked them and even sought a court order preventing him from contacting her ? ) It's hard to protect her if she doesn't want to be protected.
Could you gently raise the topic with her again, saying something like you always fear rape and wonder how you would cope with it --- you're sure you'd find it so unpleasant to see or hear from the man again, and ask how she is handling this ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: HR | 2009-04-09

maybe she had consensual sex with him then regreted it after.or she wasn feeling okay telling you about it.so it was just incase the guy tells you before she does.but the way she is behaving dont sound ok at all.
maybe u should bring the topic up again.just dont make her feel like you dont believe her story.
Gud luck

Reply to HR
Posted by: whocares | 2009-04-09

maybe it was something like " well at first it was rape and then...." 

Reply to whocares
Posted by: Kel | 2009-04-09

Maybe she is doing it for attention?

Reply to Kel
Posted by: Suspiscious. | 2009-04-09

I forgot to add, she' s recentky started seeing someone else and was so quick to have sex with him. It just makes me all the more suspiscious. I know ppl have different coping mechanisms, but I just imagined that a 20-something yr old woman who was raped for the 1st time would despise men and avoid sex at all costs, at least since it was so recent. I really hate doubting her. She' s like a sister to me, and I really want to believe her. This is driving me insane, I want to be a good friend, but I have so many doubts goibg through my head. Please help.

Reply to Suspiscious.

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