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Question
Posted by: Reebs | 2011-04-18

War over cars and threats

I''m married with three and presently unemployed. My husband bought 2 cars for our family. A big one and a small one. We initially talked that we must buy a big car and a small car that is gas sufficient. While in a process of buying he will tell his friends and family that he is buying me a small car and a big one for himself. Which surprised me, when I asked why he would say well it''s true. Where he works he could register one car with the company and the company would take care of it for him, so he registered the big car as the car he travel to work with. We had an incident where I wanted to take a big car to an occassion and I said to him I''m gonna take the big car today and he said no. I asked why? and he said well I bought this car for me and a small one for you. Ofcourse I challenge him why he said no and I also told him that when married in COP everything you/me own is ours. He said you don''t even ask. I was surprised ofcourse do I have to ask for a car when I want to take it somewhere. Husband please can I please use a big car today. I told him why shld I ask when he just takes any car as he wishes he doesn''t even let me know. His other reason was he got into an agreement with his employer that he is the sole user of the car and is something hapens while I''m driving it they won''t help fix the car.We got into a fight and he took the keys of the big car and threatened to take the keys of another car. He also threatened to take my bank card and my access to our bank account away from me. he said I want you to ask me for everything...I want you to ask for money and I will decide how much. I feel he uses his power of bringing in money and being the only one that works in the house. It was not the first time he threatened to take my access to our finances away from me.
I know it''s not fair for him to do that, that is abuse.
What do you guys think? CS please help!!
Thanks

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

He sounds like a pathetic husband, mean and selfish and unkind. And unlikely to ever agree to marriage counselling and unlikely to ever want to change. I suspect you really need to consult a lawyer about COP issues and related matters. I doubt that he has the right to treat you and your shared finances the way he does, but this is not about rights but about his showing off and trying to be over-controlling

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5
Our users say:
Posted by: Vaal Donkie | 2011-04-18

Sounds like the start of an abusive marriage. Either physical or mental. get help/counselling NOW before it escalates.

Reply to Vaal Donkie
Posted by: Jane | 2011-04-18

You are lucky you got cars and bank card while you are not working. Get a job and buy the big car and leave the bastard

Reply to Jane
Posted by: Kate | 2011-04-18

I think he is being stupid, childish and a big show-off.
So what if anything happens to the car while you driving, then just fix it! Thats in the event anything should ever happen to it.
He just wants someone to control.

Reply to Kate
Posted by: Anne | 2011-04-18

I think you are being childish.

Reply to Anne
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-04-18

He sounds like a pathetic husband, mean and selfish and unkind. And unlikely to ever agree to marriage counselling and unlikely to ever want to change. I suspect you really need to consult a lawyer about COP issues and related matters. I doubt that he has the right to treat you and your shared finances the way he does, but this is not about rights but about his showing off and trying to be over-controlling

Reply to cybershrink

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