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Question
Posted by: Kelly | 2011/02/15

Wanting to leave my job- post 835.

Hi, just wanting quick advice again. Now I am in no way confrontational, I am so scared of hurting other people I keep my mouth shut and I don''t like dissapointing people buuuuuut out of respect for my boss should I tell him I''m planning on leaving? How would I approach him? I mean I know he''s a big boy and running a business people do leave but I know he''ll be dissapointed and I''m actually scared to talk to him.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I wish I could discover who has been marketing the idea that CONFRONTATION is necessary or useful, and confront them ! That's a combative stance, and meek silence isn't the only alternative. Its the difference between being assertive ( good ) and aggressive ( bad).
Don't be scared of disappointing your boss, especially as he seems to believe in paying you with empty compliments rather than actual cash. Business life can be disappointing, and he's a big boy now. Look for and find a better job, then discuss this calmly and confidently.
If you feel scared to talk to him, he's ptobably not a really good boss anyway

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5
Our users say:
Posted by: QQ | 2011/02/16

No nee, resignation letter will be ok.

Reply to QQ
Posted by: Purple | 2011/02/16

No, it sounds like a threat if you say you are planning to leave - as he''ll want to know - are you asking for more money or a different position etc.

It is perfectly normal and acceptable for people to change jobs every 3 or 4 years and this is no longer considered job hopping.

A job search is going to take you 6 months to a year and you will only get invited for an interview for a tiny proportion of the jobs you apply for, so start looking and when you get the offer you want you resign and give your months notice. Your boss might choose to enter into discussions at that point to retain your services, but if he could have done these things before and didn''t, they should not change your decision to go.

Your boss is not going to have hurt feelings about you going, and if he does, then he was probably emotionally blackmailing you while you were working there and is just trying to make you feel guilty. The jobs I have hated the most, working for people who I think should be locked away from society are the ones when I resigned and they said " after all I''ve done for you"  - yes, I got an ulcer, nearly had a nervous breakdown and could understand how people plot to murder their bosses - that''s what you did for me. The wonderful work places I" ve had, when I''ve resigned I''ve been hugged and wished well, given a lovely farewell party and asked to please come back and visit, am in touch with those people via linked in and still call them for career advice as they really became mentors to me. I''ve even had occassion to help some of them out by having their children with me for work shadowing and part time jobs and so on.

Reply to Purple
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/02/16

I wish I could discover who has been marketing the idea that CONFRONTATION is necessary or useful, and confront them ! That's a combative stance, and meek silence isn't the only alternative. Its the difference between being assertive ( good ) and aggressive ( bad).
Don't be scared of disappointing your boss, especially as he seems to believe in paying you with empty compliments rather than actual cash. Business life can be disappointing, and he's a big boy now. Look for and find a better job, then discuss this calmly and confidently.
If you feel scared to talk to him, he's ptobably not a really good boss anyway

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Realist | 2011/02/15

Pers exp is absolutely spot on. Do not even give the slightest indication of your intentions or you will be out on your ear as quick as a flash. They will be ruthless. Make sure when you are ready to leave you do everything " by the book"  giving them no excuse for them to screw you with benefits etc. If reasons for leaving crops up and it will, play the old " looking for more experience, personal development"  angle and make NO MENTION of the real reason you are leaving. You do not want to leave them under a cloud as you never know when your paths may cross AND they can be spiteful. Take care and good luck. Dont forget, get a firm offer in writing from your new employer before you make your move.

Reply to Realist
Posted by: Personal experience | 2011/02/15

No need 2 tell him until u have been sucessful in obtaining new employment, as long as you give him notice as per companys resignation period.
Giving him prior warning may mean early retrenchment as you have stated this is a family owned business.Such companys are usually unscrupuless when they get wind of a leaving employee.

Reply to Personal experience

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