Our expert says:
There is much debate around the issue about sharing fantasies with partners as a source for adding excitement and spice to relationships with a clear distinction between fantasy and reality. There is also strong opinion that certain fantasies that could result in distress in the relationship are best kept in our fantasy worlds. It is understood that we all have our potential range of fantasies that are informed by and shaped by our individual unique erotic maps, and rarely ever will two people have identical erotic maps. If there is sufficient overlap in our erotic maps with a partner then the potential for a relationship exists, whilst there may always still be elements of each person's erotic map at the fringes and periphery of the shared areas.
Another factor that is relevant to your situation is the fact that as human beings our sexual orientation falls along a spectrum and very few of us are so called 100% heterosexual or homosexual or so called exactly 50/50 bisexual. So even if we have a significant identification with a specific sexual orientation such as heterosexual for example, this does not completely exclude the possibility that some same sex attractions may also be part of our erotic maps and vice versa.
The challenge you describe is that you have shared this fantasy with your wife and it has resulted in distress in your relationship and you seem to indicate what sounds like potentially more than just a fantasy for you but the potential consideration to want to act on this fantasy and all this is adding to your state of confusion. For this I would syggest you consider consulting a sex therpist in your area who works both with indivuals and couples. This forum would not be sufficient for you to work through your personal confusion and to assist you and your wife through dealing with the relationship distress you are experiencing.
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