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Question
Posted by: Pathetic Doormat | 2010/02/18

Want to be a nicer person

Hi CS
Please give me some advice. In March I will have been happily married to my hubby for 25 years. Things are normally great between us and I am very fortunate to have such a close loving relationship but I find myself feeling a bit left out and envious of his life. He is such a nice man most people like him, don' t think they like me as much. My mother-in-law and my mother prefer him and treat him better than me. To sum it up he has a good job that takes him overseas to great places, he eats at really nice restaurants with clients, he spends time with his friends, etc I on the other hand feel like a doormat - I am always here for my family, cooking, cleaning, mom' s taxi, I put everyone first.
So the question is.... why do I feel so bad when he is having a good day? When he is having a lousy day, I feel better.
Am I really sick or what?????
Tks

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You're not in the least sick, and a degree of envy is highly understandable. Sam makes some excellent points. It's what we don't get that seems so enticing - he may well envy you the time you can spend at home with the children.
Apart from the moresuperficial stuf he gets, what he has which you have much less of, is autonomy, the sense at least of being in charge of his world.
Explore what else you could do, in your present setting, in terms of hobbies, charitable and other good works, even your own business interests, which you could do, for yourself

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Pathetic Doormat | 2010/02/18

Hi Sam and Happiness
Firstly I must say that I am not a housewife sitting at home only looking after the kids. While the kids are at school I work in an office.
I guess that I am just feeling sorry for myself.
Sam - all I can say is wow. You have such a positive take on life and I feel so much better just having read your response.
Happiness - yes you are right as well I am always taking care of everyone else.

Thanks guys - I feel so much better. I need to start seeing myself as others see me (at least the others that like me!! - haha).
Have a good evening
Not so pathetic Doormat

Reply to Pathetic Doormat
Posted by: Happiness | 2010/02/18

As much as she gets that luxury of being home with the kids and enjoying the lifestyle money brings, there is that feeling of missing out on life. Especially when all one does is take care of others. The question is who takes care of her? I think you envy your husband because he has that luxury of living for himself. He gets a chance to explore himself, live his life to the full. Maybe its time you focussed on your strengths, and when you have found something you really enjoy doing with your time it won' t matter if he travels or not. You will have found yourself.

Reply to Happiness
Posted by: Wow | 2010/02/18

Nice spin to it Sam....

Reply to Wow
Posted by: Sam | 2010/02/18

You made the choice to spend your life with this man, and you knew that he would have a job that requires that he goes over seas, or out with clients. Put your mind at peace with the fact that he is doing that for you and your family. Look around in your home, everything that you have, would you have it with out his help? Also keep in mind, that while he is out there earning money for a household that he doesn' t spend as much time with, you are at home, with the family of that household, you are the one that KNOWS the children, and I' m sure when they need advice or love, they come to YOU because you are always there for them. So which parent would you prefer to be? The one who has all the fun, but no one really KNOWS you, or the one who is always there for the family?

Reply to Sam
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/02/18

You're not in the least sick, and a degree of envy is highly understandable. Sam makes some excellent points. It's what we don't get that seems so enticing - he may well envy you the time you can spend at home with the children.
Apart from the moresuperficial stuf he gets, what he has which you have much less of, is autonomy, the sense at least of being in charge of his world.
Explore what else you could do, in your present setting, in terms of hobbies, charitable and other good works, even your own business interests, which you could do, for yourself

Reply to cybershrink

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