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Question
Posted by: help me | 2012/07/09

walking on egg shells

Please help me.... I have recently moved in with my bf and life is hell, I am battling to adjust as he reprimands me all the time and I cant relax. I feel like I am back at home with my dad shouting at me and I am 40 years old. He is so protective of his stuff in his house, the amount of water I bath in, the electricity I use, the way I wash the dishes, the way I cook....and all I am doing is trying to live in the house and become comfortable. I have become a nervous wreck and basically waiting all the time for him to shout at me for something else I have done wrong. When I do retaliate we have such a huge fight with him yelling and swearing and always has to get the last say, so I withdraw and then I hit a downer where I just want to run away. I am not sleeping at night, so I am exhaused because of all this. I take medication for anxiety as it is and this is making it so much worse. I feel like I am suffering from a bit of bipolar now as I have massive mood swings. I dont know if he is also battling to adjust with me being there and me being around his antiques which is so important to him or if he is just like this or if things will get better after a while of us getting used to eachother. How long do you give it?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

He may well be a boy, but he surely isn't a friend. He sounds mean, selfish and uncaring - why on earth would you want to move in, or stay with, someone like that ?
The solution is to MOVE OUT and regain your independence - medicines can't help usefully without that simple and obvious step.
Leave him to love his antiques, while you continue to look for someone who actually loves human beings like you

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Maria | 2012/07/10

That''s a bad situation to be in... if I were you I would beg a bed from a friend or family member, try to rent a room short term, just do what you need to do in order to get out of there. Good luck.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: help me | 2012/07/10

Hi Maria, I owned my own property, it was paid off!! He begged me to move in, so I have rented it out. Thank goodness it is only a short lease and I can move back in December. But 5 months is a long time if you are reprimanded and emotionally abused every day!

Reply to help me
Posted by: Maria | 2012/07/09

Help me, so where did you stay before you moved in with the boyfriend?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Bubbles | 2012/07/09

A bit off the point, but Rika you do know that you are wasting water by leaving the tap open while brushing your teeth? Conservation matters.

Reply to Bubbles
Posted by: ... | 2012/07/09

LEAVE. Today. he is NOT worth it.

Reply to ...
Posted by: help me | 2012/07/09

Hi Rika....glad someone is in the same boat as me but at least you have a place you can run too. I have no where to go. Maybe things are different if you buy a place together and it is both yours and both your stuff and you are both paying for the bills. Then he can''t say a thing about it!! I am paying my way at my bf''s house and he still carries on like a lunatic :(

Reply to help me
Posted by: Rika | 2012/07/09

I am in a relationship for 2years, and this guy is exactly the same, shouts about stuff...to much bath water, not making food the way he likes it,..using to much bubble bath...not closing the taps while brushing my teeth...I have my own place and visits now and agian to sleep over, I love this guy, but cannot wait to go home after my visits...will I ever be ready for a move in or marriage

Reply to Rika
Posted by: Purple | 2012/07/09

He sounds awful. Cut your losses and move out again.

Reply to Purple
Posted by: Ricky | 2012/07/09

Maybe you should consider moving out and living on your own - it appears as though this man is making your life unbearable. He sounds so regimental!!! You say you already use medication for anxiety, you do not need all this extra unnecessary pressure and stress in your life! Do what is right and leave him - you do not need to be screamed at abused by this bully!

Reply to Ricky
Posted by: Maria | 2012/07/09

Did you never spend any time in his house before you moved in, doing things like cooking? Was he like that then? It sounds as if he was seriously not ready for someone to share his living space. Have you tried talking calmly to him about it? If you cannot calmly discuss it and come to some sort of agreement of how things will change then I see no option for you but to move out. Living with someone you love is supposed to be an uplifting experience and while some adjustment problems is normal, what you describe sounds very unhealthy.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Tracey | 2012/07/09

Whatever you do do not marry him.

Reply to Tracey
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/07/09

He may well be a boy, but he surely isn't a friend. He sounds mean, selfish and uncaring - why on earth would you want to move in, or stay with, someone like that ?
The solution is to MOVE OUT and regain your independence - medicines can't help usefully without that simple and obvious step.
Leave him to love his antiques, while you continue to look for someone who actually loves human beings like you

Reply to cybershrink

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