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Question
Posted by: Thandi | 2008-11-10

Waiting periods after loss of hubby

I would like to have your view of this matter, I lost my hubby in March 2008, while we were on separation for divorce, I moved back home. I must wait 12 months before starting a relationship. I went through the mourning period, cleansing and the part of wearing black clothes for 3 months. My concerns are people keep on asking if I am dating someone already (even here at work –  I think they are just posing and some guys, try to make a move (unfortunately no money, hubby had been so spiteful by putting all his money on his sister and other child’ s name). I just like to get a general view on this, do I really have to wait, I get mixed concerns, i.e. my friends off late keep on asking what is it that I am waiting for since he will not be coming back and more than six months has passed so that’ s more than enough. I stopped communication with some since when we go out and a guy makes a move then I usually ignore them. They keep on saying my in laws might have done something so I must just lose interest in man. I really snapped at one friend over the weekend.

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Our expert says:
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Its a sad fact that SOME guys think a widow is vilnerable and try to make moves on her. The issue of waiting isn't about a fixed rule, but about the fact that if one rushes into a new relationship while still emotionally tied up in the last one, one often makes bad decisions and ends up unhappy. I agree with Mom, the important thing is when YOU feel emotionally free and ready to move on, not what other people say or expect of you

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Our users say:
Posted by: JP | 2008-11-11

I am an african like u Thandi,unlike Mom who said they are old and outdated. If you have done mourning period, cleansing, I think you are done especially you were seperated. I think you have done enough. You can move on with your life

Reply to JP
Posted by: Mom | 2008-11-10

I know the whole culture thing is different for white people, but I still feel they old and outdated.

You are fully entitled to live your life. I would suggest move on when YOU are ready and not when some old tradition says you may.

You were in the process of divorce, I don' t see why you need to adhere to the mourning process at all.

Reply to Mom

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