Our expert says:
I understand what's bothering you, and it isn't really about judging as such. Some people are doing awful things, or behaving in ways in which the consequences they complain about are inevitable. Some don't even really deserve sympathy for the plight they describe. But pretty well all deserve respect and politeness, rather than the active cruelty we sometimes see.
I think these days the claim that there must be a taboo against ever judging anyone else is highly damaging to society ; it assumes that anything goes, and that people should never be criticized, whatever they do and however they behave. That should not be so - some forms of behaviour are so cruel, so damaging to others that they should be condemned by any sensible person.
Even you, in complaining about people who judge others, are judging those who judge !
Occasionally we get messages from people who seem almost proud of their wrong-doing, to almost want praise or at least acceptance of the way in which they are hurting or damaging others. They don't deserve to get what they are looking for - I do "judge" and condemn child molesters, serial killers, and lesser monsters.
Nobody should be ( and I cant recall any time when it happened ) condemned for suffering emotional pain, which deserves some respect, often deserving a great deal of respect.
But having a hurtful affair with a married person, treating someone else cruelly, and so on, are NOT merely "wrong choices", like picking up low-fat milk at the supermarket when you meant to get full-cream.
The cry "Don't judge me - or anyone", the denial that anyone else has any right to judge the wrongness or hurtfulness of the choices you freelly make, is a demand for a society in which anything goes, in which anyone can do as they please, regardless of the consequences for others.
We are getting too close to that situation already in some ways, and are entitled to refuse the invitation.
We are also entitled to consider the trauma inflicted by some people who complain only of their own "trauma" ( a word that is abused and used too often for lesser discomfort ).
It is also important to realize that the sort of responses some messages attract here, are representative of what many other people in the individual's life are secretly saying or thinking about them - they reveal and remind of how many in society view some situations, viewpoints which some perpetrators prefer to ignore or don't even think of.
But I share your distaste for people who post responses that are nothing but unkind and aggressive, with no attempt to be helpful.
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