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Question
Posted by: Lxo | 2011/07/18

Violent wife

My wife has threatened to kill me in the past, and has started punching and hitting me on my face and head, in front of our 2 year old son. She is 3 months pregnant, so I can''t hit her back (I can''t hit her anyway, because she would use that against me).

I am thinking about a divorce, but she is a skilled liar, and would get custody, and she would subject our children to the same abuse (she threatens and hits our son, and is, at other times, extremely neglectful, forgetting to change nappies and feed him).

What''s the best way to get custody of the children?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Get proper legal advice about your rights and how to protect them ( and to protect your son, who can be damaged by merely witnessing such violence, if he isn't already a more direct victim of it ). If she does indeed abuse your son, and is neglectful, she is not a fit mother. Is it possible to get any eidence to support your statements about this ? Child welfare, if they assign a capable person to look into it, should not too readily accept her own self-servin denials of her activities. Are there others who have witnessed or experienced her abusive behaviour ?
Realist summarizes the best approach really well.
See whether a group aiming to help people who are being abused, such as POWA can and will help. Your example illustrates why I upset some folks by saying that I do NOT support support programmes for abused women, preferring programmes for abused PEOPLE. Otherwise it's saying that cannibalism is only wrong when you eat women, and eating men is dandy.

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/07/19

Get proper legal advice about your rights and how to protect them ( and to protect your son, who can be damaged by merely witnessing such violence, if he isn't already a more direct victim of it ). If she does indeed abuse your son, and is neglectful, she is not a fit mother. Is it possible to get any eidence to support your statements about this ? Child welfare, if they assign a capable person to look into it, should not too readily accept her own self-servin denials of her activities. Are there others who have witnessed or experienced her abusive behaviour ?
Realist summarizes the best approach really well.
See whether a group aiming to help people who are being abused, such as POWA can and will help. Your example illustrates why I upset some folks by saying that I do NOT support support programmes for abused women, preferring programmes for abused PEOPLE. Otherwise it's saying that cannibalism is only wrong when you eat women, and eating men is dandy.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Realist | 2011/07/18

The way to go about your dillema is to be methodical in collating evidence. Start by keeping an accurate diary and note each time she attacks you. If you have scratches, bruises or other marks, photograph them. Preferably if you can have a relaiable witness to the injuries, so much the better. If you have contact with a Priest or Pastor go and see them and tell them how you are suffering and show them your injuries. The purpose of this is to accumulate evidence against her over a period of time,a proper history backed up with proper history aqnd relaiable witnesses.

When you have enough, go and see a lawyer and start proceedings to divorce her. The evidence you have against her will stand you in good stead and you may even be able to get custody of the kids.
Violence against a spouse of either gender is an absolute no no and if you dont get your divorce she may end up doing you some real harm, if not killing you !

Reply to Realist

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