advertisement
Question
Posted by: worried enough | 2009/11/24

violent behaviour

My son is 5 years old and has been hitting my husband and i since he was 2& 1/2. We have tried the naughty corner, time out, etc. but with no success. He never hits any other children or adults, except us. He' s a perfectionist who hates losing. I can' t even play with him because if he misses a ball or loses at a board game, he gets angry, throws his things down and will most likely kick or hit me. So I actually don' t enjoy playing with him because I know that there will be a fight at the end. My husband nor I ever abused him and we never hit him back as we feel it will just reinforce the behaviour. He also backchats, shouts at us and carries on as though he is the boss or parent. I am at my wits end and hope that you can provide some help for me. I can' t go on like this any longer.

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

OK, so there's a clear and chronic discipine and behaviour problem here. While he does need a functioning system of discipline, he does NOT need "a good hiding" as that would not solve anything, and would confirm his idea that violence is a good way of getting what you want.
Because you are clearly rather good parents in all other respects, the usually obvious causes may not be paramount, and because the problem is so long-standing, changing his bad behaviour may be a bit more complex than usual. So seeing a child psychologist for an assessment, and to plan a comprehensive and consistent discipline sstem for him, would be a good idea.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

7
Our users say:
Posted by: Old fashioned | 2009/11/26

No, you do not have to feel sorry for me or my kids, we are all well adjusted and successful in our endeavours. If your kids are as wonderful as you make out, good for you, but it is quite clear that they never did anything to warrant a hiding. I stick to my view and its not that of the bleeding heart liberal group.

Reply to Old fashioned
Posted by: March | 2009/11/25

For your information, my three teens never got a hiding yet dont participate in any of the stuff the teens do today. In fact they are all top students who know exactly where they are going. So sorry for you - perhaps your parents couldnt make sense talkiing and teaching you other than smacking you around. So sorry for you and your unfortunate kids.

Reply to March
Posted by: Old Fashioned | 2009/11/25

March. Your 3 Teens did not get enough. The problem is that there is too much tip toeing around a parent whacking their kids and the "  dysfunctional card because I was beaten as a child"  is used far to often to excuse unaceptable behaviour. Clearly one does not advocate out of control bashing, but a good hiding never hurt anyone and most certainly cured unacceptable behaviour for many many years before the bleeding hearts managed to put an end to it and NOW we sit with the results. Ask any school teacher how impossible it is to control these cheeky nasty disrespectful young people without the threat of a good caning. To go one step further, in the good old days the police and magistrates were empowered to order/dispense cuts and very few offenders came back for more of that and the prisons were not as full with criminals who could have been dealt with by caning. No doubt about it, spare the rod and spoil the child.

Reply to Old Fashioned
Posted by: March | 2009/11/25

Old fashioned, dont be foolish. Did you read the rest of my post ? It says she needs to find a discipline THAT WORKS. I have three teens and hidings do NOT WORK for all children. If you act blindly and just adress everything with hidings, you do more damage than good. Look around at some of the adults we have today... I know many dysfunctional ones who got hidings as children.

Reply to March
Posted by: cybershrink | 2009/11/25

OK, so there's a clear and chronic discipine and behaviour problem here. While he does need a functioning system of discipline, he does NOT need "a good hiding" as that would not solve anything, and would confirm his idea that violence is a good way of getting what you want.
Because you are clearly rather good parents in all other respects, the usually obvious causes may not be paramount, and because the problem is so long-standing, changing his bad behaviour may be a bit more complex than usual. So seeing a child psychologist for an assessment, and to plan a comprehensive and consistent discipline sstem for him, would be a good idea.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Old Fsahioned | 2009/11/24

Terrible Two' s my rear end !! He needs a damn good hiding. You cannot be dictated to by a child. Get a grip, you are the adults and have to set the scene. He has to learn to respect you. If you let him get away with his behaviour, when he gets to " big"  school, there are kids there that are going to settle his hash and he will wake up with a big bump.

Reply to Old Fsahioned
Posted by: March | 2009/11/24

Its called the terrible two' ' s even though it lasts up to the age of six years in some kids. My son was like that, embarassing us and saying things like " I dont want you"  if we tried to help him, clean him etc. He was a nightmare. Since he went to creche he started subsiding, however he was frustrated for many years. Good news is it goes away, i.e. it is a phase, bad news is you have to find a discipline that will work, mine was to wack his bottom or leave him to have a tantrum and calmly ignore him and talk to the other kids.

Reply to March

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement