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Question
Posted by: Debate | 2008/09/09

View on Relationships

I' m not going to ask a question, just want to give my perspective on relationships, and maybe discuss other peoples views? a nice topic to discuss  ) there is so many posts on this forum about relationships, and it' s probably the one thing in which everyone can relate in some aspect, because all of us have been in relationships, and maybe hurt. I' ve also been hurt a couple of times but am now in the greatest relationship ever. The relationship I' m in now just made me realize that a relationship, before your married especially, mustn' t be constant work or feel like constant work. I think magazines and the world has blindsided all of us not to trust our instincts, because usually there is a reason why we argue or why we are unhappy in a relationship but we still fight to safe it, because if we just change this, or if i do just this it' ll work or all these people say that a relationship can work if your different religions, or different cultures or feel differently about money etc so why can' t we make it work? Only to keep fighting for the relationship and then 10years into a marriage realise okay no we really are too different, so they divorce about something they knew was a source of discomfort from the start! Don' t get me wrong, I have nothing against different cultures, religions etc., I just think a relationship is difficult enough without throwing extra problems into it. (know I' m going to get a lot of controversy here)

If your constantly unhappy or fight over the same thing I think it is time to seriously consider ending the relationship. I know it' s easier said than done, I was there as well, and also thought I loved someone at the time to only realize I didn' t, so what is the difference in a " real"  relationship and one that sends of warning bells to me because it has too much work?
Firstly, everyone is going to fight at some time, no 2 people can ever agree on everything, but its the way you fight, you never intentionally hurt the other persons feelings and you resolve the fight the first time. In my relationship we' ve had problems but never the same ones, because we both really try to listen to the other person and then work on it or get a compromise so that it doesn' t need to be a problem again, so its constant growth, not reliving the past and never resolving it. My Fiancee was the first person that when we started dating where I tried to find reasons to leave him (because I was afraid of getting hurt) all the other relationships I made excuses to why this guy is the best or why we will work or why I should stay - so my point? never convince yourself something is right, you just have to feel it without thinking about it. Just the way my fiancee trusts me, always talks too me, and that we both put a lot of work into the relationship without it ever feeling like work or a struggle, a relationship is about 2 people respecting each other, and I think the more your background has in common the better for you, because your background is what shapes you, gives you your moral values and perspectives on life, and if 2 people feel the same about the critical stuff in life you can overcome anything, it does help  ) most important thing in a relationship? communication I would say by far! even if it is difficult I think you should discuss everything so that both of you can understand each other and learn to trust each other

Lastly, I know its cliche, but when you meet the right person you' ll truly know it, without forcing the idea, we just know we' ll work because we know we communicate about everything, we know we resolve things, we know without a doubt the other person loves you more than themselves and we can still function perfectly without each other but prefer to be together. A relationship does not make you happy, you do, and when you can its the greatest thing to share that happiness with someone else

Don' t stay in a relationship thats work from the start, a relationship should only start to be work after you' ve been married many years - because then everything doesn' t come naturally anymore, your used to each other so you should mentally make notes to do stuff together - but still then, it' s " fun"  work :)

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Our expert says:
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And don't assume that being in a constant relationship, however much work or unhappiness it involves, is somehow compulsory

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Our users say:
Posted by: EL | 2008/09/10

Any bad relationship can get better or perfect, it depends on every person if they are willing to give it all, but if one person isn' t willing to give it all - that person will never be happy in any relationship.

Reply to EL

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