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Question
Posted by: dw | 2011/05/19

vicious circle

Hi, I have " created'' this situation at work for myself. I have been here for almost 6 years and only have 1 friend and the rest merely acquiantances. When I started I had severe social phobia and was a really grumpy old sould but have since been on medication and have had CBT. I have got better, but the people here still see me as the same. So I am stuck in a vicious circle which I cant break. How do I change this scenario after so many years or should I start over somewhere new? Thanks.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Firstly, though it's useful and pleasant to be FRIENDLY with the folks at work, it's far from necessary ( or likely ) for them all or mostly, to be friends. Congratulations on beating the social phobia. First impressions, though, are indeed inclined to stick. You can gradually change those impressions by changing your behaviour, showing your pleasant nature, and just being more affable, until they, well,"aff".
Have you discussed with any of them the fact that you had this condition which made it very awkward for you, but have now controlled it with the help of treatment, and wish you could start again ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Romany | 2011/05/19

It is not desirable to be " friends"  with the people you work with. One should keep friends and " work friends"  on two different levels. So, it is not a bad thing after all.
Be nice and keep your words soft and sweet, but do not beat yourself up because you cannot consider them " friends" .
After all.... best friends make worst enemies, and you do not want that sitaution at work. Keep it professional and your personal life seperate.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/05/19

Firstly, though it's useful and pleasant to be FRIENDLY with the folks at work, it's far from necessary ( or likely ) for them all or mostly, to be friends. Congratulations on beating the social phobia. First impressions, though, are indeed inclined to stick. You can gradually change those impressions by changing your behaviour, showing your pleasant nature, and just being more affable, until they, well,"aff".
Have you discussed with any of them the fact that you had this condition which made it very awkward for you, but have now controlled it with the help of treatment, and wish you could start again ?

Reply to cybershrink

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