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Posted by: Lin | 2011/09/08

Very sensitive 5 year old

I have a VERY sensitive 5 year old. He gets heartsore very easily. When I discipline him (naughty corner or privelages taken away) he gets really upset. Not the normal upset because of the discipline, but he''ll say I don''t love him anymore or he feels like I want him dead.
How do I handle my precious little boy?
He gets upset at school about the smallest things like if someone doesn''t greet him...
He''s always been like this but it''s even worse now - I''m 18 weeks pregnant AND we''ve moved house last weekend. THis is also his 1st year at school (Grade R).
I love him so much it breaks my heart to see him so emotionally upset. And, he''ll remember it for such a long time afterwards - if I take away tv privelages he''ll remember it for months!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Remember to emphasize that none of the discipline arises from your wish to be mean or to upset him, but is a totally predictable and automatic consequence of ways he chooses to behave - and that he can choose NOT to behave those ways, and thus avoid any punishment at all.
Emphasize that the discipline is BECAUSE you love him so much, and want him to live long and well, to help him to improve and be even more loveable.
He sounds unduly focussed on grievances - most ids his age are so busy with playing and friends ( he also sounds rather solitary ? ) that they wouldn't have time to continue brooding over an interruption to their TV viewing.
Maybe, as thiese sem to be long-standing traits, it'd be worth getting him assessed by a good child psychologist, who can then discuss the best ways of managing his over-sensitivity. Play therapy might be one eventual option, but I prefer to start with a broader expert assessment. Going straight to a play therapist ( not a predictable form of therapy, as less regulated than most ) is a bit like going to a surgeon - you already know he's likely to recommend surgery !

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/09/10

Remember to emphasize that none of the discipline arises from your wish to be mean or to upset him, but is a totally predictable and automatic consequence of ways he chooses to behave - and that he can choose NOT to behave those ways, and thus avoid any punishment at all.
Emphasize that the discipline is BECAUSE you love him so much, and want him to live long and well, to help him to improve and be even more loveable.
He sounds unduly focussed on grievances - most ids his age are so busy with playing and friends ( he also sounds rather solitary ? ) that they wouldn't have time to continue brooding over an interruption to their TV viewing.
Maybe, as thiese sem to be long-standing traits, it'd be worth getting him assessed by a good child psychologist, who can then discuss the best ways of managing his over-sensitivity. Play therapy might be one eventual option, but I prefer to start with a broader expert assessment. Going straight to a play therapist ( not a predictable form of therapy, as less regulated than most ) is a bit like going to a surgeon - you already know he's likely to recommend surgery !

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Maria | 2011/09/09

Lin, a good play therapist can work wonders.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Lin | 2011/09/09

Thanks Glenis, but he''s ALWAYS been like this, lately it''s just a little bit worse.

Reply to Lin
Posted by: Glenis | 2011/09/09

It could just be that there are a few changes in his life right now, baby on the way, new school, new house etc. He is probably feeling insecure. Try to re-assure him as much as possible and I am sure he will settle down. Good Luck.

Reply to Glenis

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