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Question
Posted by: Sad | 2008-11-11

Very dissappointed

I have a sister who is working on a cruiseship and we only see her three months a year. I was so exited to see her and could' nt wait for her to come home. She came a week ago and i' m so dissappointed in her. She is very outspoken and i' m the introvert. She will always says whats on her mind and pick on everybody. She' s got this attitude that makes her a very nasty person. No one seems to have a problem with this because they to scared to talk to her. I spoke to my mom but she doesn' t seem to think there' s a problem. She' s my mom' s favourite. When my father was still alive I used to talk to him as well, he said he could see what I' m talking about and that I must just overlook it seeing that i' m the eldest and that she is very stubborn. I' m also stubborn and i' m always the one trying to help out and do stuff for her even if she does' nt asked.If she is like that I usually just ignore her and keep my distance. It' s just so sad that I was looking forward for this christmas and we planned to go camp for the new year. I don' t think I can go away for a week with her.You can' t talk or reason with her cause she don' t see what' s the problem. Like I said everybody is to scared to talk to her and they don' t want confrontation because she' s here for only a short while. We used to get along very well in the past but it seems she' s got a chip on her shoulder. What should I do regarding this?

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Our expert says:
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Stop trying to do things for her. She sounds perfectly capable of looking after herself, and doing this just gives her opportunities to snub you. Maybe her job has gone to her head, and she has formed far too high an opinion of herself. Never mind, in time life will take her down a peg or two, and remind her she's not so great.
And Tani's suggestion for a calm conversation, makes a lot of sense

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Our users say:
Posted by: Tani | 2008-11-11

Oh my goodness, don' t we all have sisters like that?

In my case I just ignore my sister and make sure that I don' t see her for a week or so until I feel better. In general we do way to much to please others. I am slowly but surely teaching myself to look after myself first and make myself happy and then start pleasing myself.

Why don' t you talk to her and tell her exactly how you feel and how disappointed you are in the situation and then also tell her that your time is valuable to yourself and that you are not going to spend a week with her and be unhappy. So either she try to be nice or you will rather make other plans for the holidays.

This does not mean that you don' t love her or don' t want to spend time with her, this just means that now, at this stage, with this circumstances, you would rather not waist your time with someone that does not respect others.

Good luck.

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